In case you cannot watch this game, but do have the internet allow me to explain.
Span was hit by a pitch.
An umpire was bit by an imp.
This umpire decided that since Span looked like he was going to bunt, and bunting is evil, and Span has a Lincoln-esque beard, that Span, unlike every other baseball player should not go to first base.
Therefore Ron Gardenhire came out to tell the umpire a lovely bunt cake recipe.
The umpire also hates bunt cake, because once Abraham Lincoln bunted a bunt cake at him. So he kicked out Gardy.
Furious, Gardy's rosy cheeks turned even rosier. He announced:
"adfjrygpoqw09784lkjgh!!" and his happy pointy hat happened to fall off his head so he tried to kick it back on top of his head, but only Chelsea Midfielder Michael Essien can do that.
So, Twins fans, emulating the ever popular Garden Gnome also attempted to kick it back on top of their heads...but again, only Ghanian soccer superstar Michael Essien can do that.
When umpires told Twins fans to stop trying to be like Michael "The Bison" Essien, because it, "is like, so lame to like soccer" Twins fans decided they would behave like Soccer hooligans instead.
Ozzie Guillen, knowing how crazy soccer matches get, (especially when it involves crazy gorilla dictator Hugo Chavez) pulled his players from the field and then nearly headbutted a butthead of a bald guy who seemed to take issue with Ozzie breathing air.
Finally, everyone took a deep breath, tried a sun salutation move, counted to five and decided to play ball again.
Joe hit a ball of Cabrera's glove and we tied it.
Morneau hit a fielder's choice...just because too many home runs make him seem like a White Sock
Delmon was hit by a pitch.
Twins GM Bill Smith traded a decent dentist to England for Ghanian soccer superstar and Chelsea Midfielder Michael "The Bison" Essien, presumably only because he is so freaking cool. (I mean look at that Getty Pictures Image up there...can you do that Jermaine Dye? Jim Thome? of course not, you are fat lazy asses who do not run, you only trot.)
The Subway "Hit it Here" sign was hit by a pitch Jason Kubel crushed to give us the lead.
Brendan Harris and the umpire were hit by THE SAME PITCH.
And finally, Adam Everett did what he did best, pop out.
All in all an eventful inning. Kristina gets her wish and Gardy screamed. My mom gets her wish and the Twins get the lead (gratefully by three runs given the two run shot Jermaine Dye just hit). I get my wish and we pull of a crazy trade for a great athlete...unfortunately he has never seen a baseball game...but I'm sure it will work out.