So, the Sox beat Detroit and now we have to play a tiebreaker tomorrow.
At that point, it may or may not be over, and we may or may not have to play Tampa later this week in round 1 of the playoffs.
I'm trying to take a very Zen attitude towards this whole situation.
Che sera, sera. Whatever will be will be. If we win, we win. If we don't we don't.
I also feel like no mater what happens tomorrow, whoever goes to the playoffs deserves to be there. The Twins and the Sox have both fought tooth and nail for this division title. Nobody thought either team would even be in the running for a division championship, and here we are in a final battle for a playoff spot. We've fought hard. They've fought hard. Obviously I'd love to see the Twins win this one and go on to the playoffs, but if it's the Sox, nobody could say they didn't earn it.
Peace, love and prosperity to you all...even A.J.
Now I will go sit in the lotus position and listen to Yanni.
p.s. - it's on bitches.
K at 7:13 pm Blackburn walked Wise on 5 pitches..not promising
7:14 pm annnnnnnnnnnnd double play.
B at 7:18 pm: was it supraction or talent that got baker out of that mess?
7:27 pm: drat thought Delmon had that
K at 7:29 pm: I know! Oh well…at least we’re making buhrle work hard.
B at 7:33 pm: yup – now if we can just get the sox offense to suck.
K at 7:35 pm: How do you propose we accomplish this? Laxatives? Tigers?
B at 7:37 pm: why not Tigers who’ve been given laxatives?
K at 7:39 pm: I think the two might cancel each other out. Ps bases loaded not good.
B at 7:38 pm: Has Blackburn been eating cake again?
K at 7:40 pm: must’ve been good cake!
B at 7:43 pm: How about vampire leprechauns?? Or wookies?
K at 7:44 pm: Gogo Gomez strikes again!
7:47 pm: Poison darts maybe?
B at 8:07 pm: Damn good cake!! Maybe yellowcake? Maybe angelcake? Maybe laxative cake?
K at 8:07 pm: Ewwww…. Or maybe he fed it to Buhrle?
B at 8:10 pm: Maybe Buhrle followed a skittle trail to said cake?
K at 8:12 pm: Yes! Clearly this is exactly what happened.
9:15 pm: A small observation – all white sox fans have nasty-ass greasy hair.
B at 9:18 pm: Ewww. In other news my dad kicks his legs in the air like a crab when Alexi swings at bad pitches.
K at 9:38 pm: Alright Joe, make me proud.
B at 9:40 pm: How does Justin feel about your affinity for DP Nathan?
(No communication for a while because I was chewing my fingernails off slowly in a Joe-Nathan-Induced panic)
K at 9:55 pm: Now that right there is why I love baseball.
B at 9:58 pm: Expand please. Victory? Tension? Morneau’s booty?
K at 10:00 pm: All of the above. And I don’t think Justin is jealous of my affection for joe Nathan. He understands – pirates are hot.
...and then it deteriorated into discussions of Lint balls and swinging up onto a poop deck with a martini in one's teeth.
I had a whole "Twins vs. White Sox" preview entry planned for yesterday, that involved Gardy as Gandalf and Jim Thome's head being photoshopped onto Sauron's body...possibly with Chuck Norris in there somewhere as well. But, unfortunately I had to actually do work yesterday and then my evening was taken up by watching the Twins utterly dominate the White Sox...and seriously, how cool was that?
I was especially happy, since some of my favorite Twinkies were absolutely amazing last night. Can I just say, I love Nick Punto. Not in the same way I love my future husband Justin, but in a way that I just really want good things for him. Sometimes the poor guy has times when nothing ever seems to go right, and last night he was just totally awesome, at the plate and on the field. And of course, mad props to Jason Kubel. Sidenote: Jason Kubel looks a lot like my friend John.
Also Scott Baker is my hero.
Maybe this is only a brief, shining moment of happiness that can never come again. But for now, I'll hold on to the dream of October.
And oh, what the heck.
As far as 1) is concerned: this was easily accomplished. I went during the first inning while the line was still short and got myself a delicious chili dog. Mmmm... a long tube of god-only-knows-what meat, covered beans, some sort of sauce that may or may not have tomatoes in it, and chunks of possibly even more ambiguous meat, and then finally topped with cheese. I'm pretty sure that everything in this meal could kill me eventually, but it tastes like sweet sweet heaven. One thing I hope will happen when we move to Target Field is that there will be a better variety of foods that could kill me. While I was waiting in line I texted Smelly a few times and watched the Padres score their first 2 runs...in the first 5 minutes of the game.
As far as 2) is concerned: this was slightly more difficult since Gooz had the day off. They did however bring him in to pinch hit in the 9th. They were down 6-1 at that point, and as awesome as Gooz is I'm pretty sure he's not capable of scoring 6 runs by himself, so it was a pretty ineffective move. It did give me the chance to yell GOOOOOOOOOOZ!!! though, and embarassing Matt is always high on my priority list.
As for 3): I failed miserably. I would have been distracted anyways, knowing the Twins were eving playing... compounding the difficulty of my situation was the detailed scoreboard above the visitors dugout. It was pretty and shiny. It also showed not only the inning and the score, but also the bases. Thus, I spent the whole game obsessively watching little yellow and white squares, waiting for the yellows to advance the bases. It was just enough information to make me totally frustrated, because while I could see we had men on 2nd and 3rd, I kept wondering, "Who are these mysterious yellow squares? Who's at bat? What's the pitch count? Who's pitching??? How many Outs???? SHOW ME SOMETHING, ANYTHING AT ALL!!!"
...and then I would look at the scoreboard for the game I was actually at, see that the Nationals were still losing, and go back to staring obsessively that the little squares on the scoreboard.
The Twins won. The Nationals lost, so in my list of pros/cons for remaining a Twins fan when/if I move to DC, I have this small fact: Twins - 1. National's - 0.
Unfortunately, having a significant other who lives in another state does interfere occasionally with my ability to report on Twins games - I'm afraid this weekend is going to be one of those times. It's really too bad because after last night this promises to be an interesting series, full of hijinks and SupractionTM and photoshopping opportunities galore.However, I may have the opportunity to do some real live reporting from the new National's stadium! Excitement ensues.
Disclaimer: Wth the exception of this guy, I don't really give a crap about the Washington National's. They are like celery - bland and uninteresting, but with a distinct enough flavor to make me wrinkle my nose and go "huh". You can tell they're there, you just don't care that much. (Sorry Matt.....)
So I think most of my reporting will center on the ways in which the Nat's are clearly inferior to the Minnesota Twins...which um, shouldn't be that hard to do. And maybe, just for old time's sake, I'll yell "GUUUUUUUUUUUZZZZ!" Because that's fun.
I know that wouldn't solve my problems...but it sure would make me feel better.
Sometimes I wonder if the universe is trying to tell us something. Eddie giving up a home run to a hitter he's always dominated? Dread Pirate Joe giving up his first walk-off home run ever? EVER. Not just "first in several years" or "first since the Battle of Hastings", but EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. Maybe that's the powers that be saying "No, Minnesota Twins... you're not supposed to make the playoffs this year."
You know what I say to that?
...I won't share because it's full of inappropriate language and probably shouldn't be posted on the internet. But it wouldn't be very nice. And then I'd give the fates or buddha or Sylvester Stalone, or whoever controls the cogs that make the world go 'round, a big fat smack in the face with a 2x4. Because that's just how mad this series against Cleaveland made me.
Now I'm just getting upset. I don't really want to talk about it.
I want to get excited about the series against Tampa...I really do. But I need something to make me feel hopeful again.
- We need to: I tried this one with the Orioles and we got 2 of 3, I ignored it with the Indians and we lost 3; coincidence? Probably. BUT! I'm going to choose to believe in hope and believe that we need to win these games, erego we will. *10 Loathing Points*
- For the Garden Gnome: Frequent readers of this blog know that one of our primary inspirations is Gardy, the irascible, rosy cheeked purveyor of wisdom to our boys in blue. Gardy is undoubtedly one of the finest managers in major league baseball but has not won the award designed to honor great managing. In the last 6 years, Gardy has finished 2nd in the Manager of the Year voting 3 times, and 3rd once. Every other team in the AL central has had a manager win in that span. Two of the guys who beat Gardy got fired. He has a better winning percentage than ALL OF THE OTHER GUYS WHO BEAT HIM. And this year, with a starting rotation plucked from a sandbox, an outfield who has to rinse out their retainers between innings, and a bullpen that has forced Rick Anderson to assume the fetal position since August--we're still in the hunt for the playoffs. And Gardy will lose again, to the Rays Joe Maddon. For crying out loud! Does he have to cure cancer to win the freakin' thing?!? Screw you Joe Maddon, win it for Gardy! *77 Loathing Points*
- Get in line Punks!: Hmm...a scrappy team no one thought would win a title, playing in a cavernous domed structure that even residents find occasionally off-putting, suddenly in the hunt and trying to get into the playoffs despite nearly insurmountable odds. I'm sorry...am I still writing about the Rays, I thought I was writing about the Twins...oh that's right, we're almost the same team! But we've played this way for 6 years...so you Johnny, Evan, and Dionner-Come-Latelies play your role as the freshman to our seniors and get us some blue Powerade and a couple victories! *16 Loathing Points*
- Goodness and Light: No longer are the Tampa Bay baseballers related to the "Devil" Ray...now it's only the "Rays", the "Beams of Light", the "Shimmering Spotlights of Hope" it's so sweet I could vomit. But I figure that removing the demon stain from their name should lend them a little more credibility. *-1 Loathing Point*
- 50/50: Remember Matt Garza, and Jason Bartlett...those guys who were good but not critical to our success? Well, their down in Tampa Bay, and the guys Tampa gave us in exchange...two fellas named Brendan Harris and Delmon Young? Yeah, they've given us so much to laugh at. (I mean...supraction...genius Delmon...genius). So I suppose it all works out in the end. (Or it will if we get into the playoffs too) *-50 Loathing Points*
- Like killing our reflection: truth is, it would be awesome to make the playoffs (and we totally should...because awesomeness, is AWESOME!). But if we don't, then the Rays will carry the "scrappy young whelps crashing the party" flag into the playoffs. We may not get a chance to win the world series for the small market do-gooders in baseball, but our sun bleached dopplegangers should. *-13 Loathing Points*
Minnesota Twins:Road Trip::Amy Winehouse:Life.
(aka - unsuccessful)
Two things we're normally not so good at on the road:
Well, not only did we win, but we scored the same number of runs in each game. 12 is obviously a good number for the Twins. They should just stick with always trying to get 12 runs...that's a good plan, I think. Unfortuately I am a giant slacker and didn't actually watch either of these games due to a combination of movie/chores/concert issues... maybe I'll leave the recap to someone who actuall watched the game (Smelly?).
I'd like to take a moment to give a shout-out to the sponsor of today's double-header: Mother Nature. Mother nature waits for no man - not even Gardy. His red-faced yelling only provokes her further, and when he says "We play now!" she says, "No...you play tomorrow". And then she rains all over everything.
Speaking of rain, that happens a lot in September and October in Minnesota. Only the drizzly kind though. The really torrential downpours generally happen in August or occasionally July. It also rains in April, and in March but in March we're too busy being cold. Actually, in April it's still effing cold and occasionally it snows. Sometimes summer doesn't even show up until July and then it's suddenly a bajillion degrees and there are mosquitos everywhere. All of this begs the question - WHY BUILD AN OUTDOOR BALLPARK IN MINNESOTA??!? My mom is old enough to remember the old outdoor stadium, and also remembers the fact that the Twins moved to the dome largely because the whole outdoor situation wasn't working out so well.
I'll be the first to admit it - Twins fans are spoiled. So far we've lived a blissfuly rainout-free existence. Call me crazy but I enjoy that I neither have to worry about getting a sunburn nor wear 14 layers and a scarf to a ball game - ever. My hot dog bun never gets soggy from drizzle. The sun never shines in my eyes blocking my view of Justin Morneau. Life is pretty good. I know "real" baseball is played outside...but couldn't we at least build a retractable roof???
In other news, we are tied for the ALC lead after our brilliantly consistent victories. Also, Cuddly Cuddyer is officially activated! I'll be excited to see him and his teddy bear footie pajamas, even if it's only as a pinch hitter. Welcome back cuddy!
Reasons we should break the Baltimore Orioles like a misbehaving bat over the knee of Carlos Gomez:
1. Camden Yards: Don't get me wrong, it's charming and quaint and all. But it's the first "retropark" and its the one that turned every owner into a "I'm-gonna-hold-my-breath-'til-you-gimme-what-I-want!" guy. For shame Baltimore, for shame. *15 Loathing Points*
2. Postseason Fever!: It's not really the Orioles fault that we are in the playoff hunt. Merely unfortunate. If we were not playing relevant games, there really would not be many reasons to destroy them. But we are. We need to win. If we win all is well. So, please, Orioles, do not take this personally, we would do it to anyone to get to the playoffs. *66 Loathing Points*
Reasons we should break the Baltimore Orioles like the bullpen breaks our hearts, subtly, slowly and barely perceptibly:
1. Old School: I've got to say, though they get little respect, the Orioles have a claim to suffering rivaled by few other franchises. They had the first dynasty ever (way back in 1895-1899), then had their team go bankrupt and close. They stole the St. Louis Browns (whose previous legacy was hiring a dwarf to draw a walk) and kept their lack of talent. They got the eminently talented Frank Robinson and Cal Ripken Junior and got them little to no respect. And they had a great team in the mid-90s who were robbed of a shot at a World Series by fan interference (by who else but the Yankees). It must suck to be an Orioles fan...so they should lose by an average amount. *-35 Loathing Points*
2. Creative Fans: I've got to give Orioles fans credit. They are organized in their fight against crappiness. They tried to go on a strike a few years ago to protest labor unrest. Last year they turned their back on the field and ignored the team, waiting for a better one to take it's place. Kudos to you. *-28 Loathing points*
3. The Bird: The Orioles' Logo is such irrepressible 60's kitsch that I figure that's worth a few points. Ugly? Yes. But charmingly so. (Not unlike myself) *-5 Loathing points*
Loathe-O-Meter Rating: 12 Loathing Points
Also Known As: Canker Sores
Last year... they were our only ray of hope.
*vision of Reyes, Gurrier, Crain and Neshek walking towards the camera surrounded by haloes of light. Aerosmith plays in the background*
But now.... *screen goes black. Creepy sound effects*
They are our DEADLIEST WEAKNESS.
*montage of bullpen giving up multiple 2 and 3 run homers. Psycho-esqe screechy music*
*close-up of Twins fans clasping their faces in horror and screaming*
Coming soon to a metrodome near you.....
(this film is rated N for NOBODY should have to watch this).
A few noteworthy things happened this weekend:
1) The Twins lost a couple of times.
2) I went to the Renaissance Festival and bought a cool pirate hat.
3) I discovered that my new hat was not, in fact, magical.
1) On Saturday, Twins baseball actually reached the point for me of being difficult to watch.
Baker left in the middle of the 7th inning after having given up a very respectable 2 runs, handing over the reins to Dennys Reyes. BAD IDEA. Lately, handing over the reins to Dennys Reyes has been like handing a gun to a blind cow with rabies. Sure enough, 2 run homer. Then Gurrier comes in to save the day! ....or possibly to give up another 2 run homer. Yay?
Going into the 9th, we had a 2 run deficit where we had so recently posessed a 2 run lead. This was the time for... a TWINS RALLY!!! Old school. Sure enough, the best of the best of the pirhanas, Nicky Punto, with the patience of a saint draws a walk. Denard span beans one in the face and Casilla bunts his little heart out and suddenly it's bases loaded, Mauer and Morneau up!!! OMG!!! How could we NOT score 2 runs??
Here's how: Mauer strikes out swiniging (huh? Mauer the king of patience?) and Morneau hits a smokin' ball at just the wrong angle and lines out to 2nd base. Maybe he was using the old "hit the infielders in the head and knock them unconscious to distract them while we run around the bases" trick, which unfortunately doesn't work quite as well when the infielders have gloves...and they usually do.
It breaks my soul. And I'm sure it breaks the little souls of Scott Baker, Francisco Liriano, Nick Blackburn, Kevin Slowey, and Glen Perkins. Poor lil' guys! They pitch so well and half the time they have nothing to show for it. I'd keep venting but I think I've made my frustration with the bullpen pretty clear over the last few weeks.
2) Yesterday, my smelly co-blogger and I went to the MN Renaissance Festival with a few of our friends - and yes we are huge nerds. We also succeeded in being terrible influences on each other - I talked him into an awesome comedia del'arte mask, and after about 10 minutes of cajoling he managed to talk me into buying a totally sweet pirate hat.
3) As I paid probably more than anyone should ever pay for a hat (but it is, as I said, a totally sweet hat), Smelly says to me "Wouldn't it be so awesome to write in the blog about how you put on your hat and then you checked the score and the Twins won?" Yes. That would have been awesome, and would have also proven the magical properties of the hat. Unfortunately, I could not do this because the Twins lost yesterday. So there it is.
On a more positive note, apple dumplings taste delicious. So does $5 all you can drink microbrew. Victory, however, is the most delicious thing of all - which is why it's a good thing that even though the Twins lost, twice, Smelly won at fencing, and the drunk guy we befriended at the jousting match won at life. You know someone is a quality human being, when they come up to you, drunk and falling over and ask your friend if they would like to bet on the jousting match, except it comes out sounding more like "heyyyyyyyyaouwannabetonnamatschh?"
"Uh...sure," your friend responds, "I think I have a dollar?"
"HOWbout.... a CHICKEN!! I'll bet you a chicken!" (which really sounded like: a;kdsf;j12;kjdf;akn!!!")
"Um... a whole chicken?"
"OK well... I'm not sure I really know enough about jousting to bet a whole chicken. What about part of a chicken?"
"How about the foot."
It was funny for about 5 minutes, and then we left.
I wish I could post pictures of us in our Mask and Hat, respectively, but I can't find the frigging cable that connects my camera to my laptop, so we will have to go without. Rest assured they'll be here soon.
So about half of this post was about baseball which is pretty much par for the course.
Today is the day of rest but we'll be back tomorrow, with more updates from your favorite peanuts :)
- The Drunk Guys: Having been to Toronto's Rogers' Centre, and seen the Blue Jays best the New York Yankees, I should be very nice to the north of the border patrol. Unfortunately, I sat two rows in front of a group of drunken Blue Jay fans who felt the need to scream such obscenities at Alex Rodriguez that even I wanted a Yankee player to do well. So, the Blue Jays, and by association, those men, should suffer. *31 Loathing Points*
- Damn Loonies: Many know that recently the Candian dollar passed the American dollar in value as a currency. Things are back to normal, we've got a 7 cent lead on them, but still, they've got to be different don't they, with their negligible exchange rate and their ducks and what not. Screw 'em! *7 Loathing Points*
- The Queen: On the note of money, Canadians still have the Queen on their bills, and why? because the Queen of England is still their Head of State. That's right, independence shmindependence, say the Canucks. Come 'on! Lose the Training Diaper! Cut the cord! Grow a pair! Other denegrations of your masculinity! *18 Loathing Points*
- Shannon Stewart: Sweet, sweet Shannon, part of our beloved Soul Patrol, the one free agent pick up who actually worked out for us. Shannon had been a Blue Jay, and recently returned to the Great White North--and how was he repaid? The Jay's cut him. VENGEANCE! FOR SHANNON! FOR STEW-DOGG! *23 Loathing Points*
- Good folks: Again, I've been there, and again, 90% of the experience was positive--only the jerkwads behind me should suffer, and on top of that I have the pleasure of knowing several wonderful Canadians, and though only one of them has ever mentioned the Blue Jays to me (Ontario Artist Steve McDonald) I will honor them all by focusing on bringing suffering to the few drunk dillweeds rather than the many fine Canucks. *-30 Loathing Points*
- The gaping maw of anonymity: The real pain for the Blue Jays and their fans is not that they haven't been to the playoffs since 1993. It's not that they have sucked, like the Royals--because they haven't. It's not that they've made terrible roster moves, like the Orioles--they haven't. It's not that they are overpaid and underperforming, like the Mariners--they aren't. They aren't good like the Red Sox or Yankees, or spunky like the Twins or Rays, or unstoppable like the Angels. They just are. They are a middle of the pack team whose appearance on your schedule is invariably followed by a: "there's still a team in Canada?" So for the forgotten few, for Roy Hallady and Vernon Wells and the irrepressible Greg Zaun: we salute you. *-46 Loathing Points*