I have long felt that any man who had a mustache was worth knowing. Anyone who, of his own free will, puts something so preposterous on his upper lip, clearly has dismissed theimportance of public approval. Once you do that, you are ready to take on truly epic challenges.
1) Congratulations to former Twin Shrek I mean David Ortiz on winning the homerun derby! He's not my Canadian Hot-Pants fiance but he's close enough (p.s. now that I have an actual fiance, maybe I should stop refering to Justin Morneau as my betrothed...? Maybe...?)
2) I'm sure if you've read the news recently, you heard that George Steinbrenner, owner of the New York Yankees, passed away this morning from a massive heart attack. Given that most of my knowledge of Steinbrenner comes from two sources - the book "The Devil Wears Pinstripes" and the ESPN miniseries "Summer of '79" - I'm not exactly the best source for actual facts or unbiased opinions, but I thought I should say a little something.
For as much as we've made fun of the man here at PFH, there's no denying that he has been one of the most influential club owners of all time. Whether you loved him or hated him, you were sure to have an opinion. Steinbrenner oversaw the launch of the all-Yankees TV network (whether you like it or not, a game-changing innovation in revenue streams for ball clubs), hired and then fired his own manager umpteen billion times and won approximately 85 world series titles. OK, most of these are exaggerations, but the fact remains - Steinbrenner was a giant in baseball, and now he is gone.
RIP, George Steinbrenner. Your empire lives on.
Oh no, wait I recognize this feeling. It’s the slow realization that we’re in for (yet another) barn burner of a second half. Once again the teams in Detroit Rock City and Deep Dish Pizza-ville stubbornly refuse to let us win...no matter how many cookies we send to their residents, or pictures of sad puppies we post to make them feel guilty.
This isn’t a bad thing I suppose, exciting baseball beats boring baseball any day of the weak. The only problem is that it really seemed like we might just cruise through the season this year, what with that whole kick-ass start to the season, and the actual victories over the Yankees...we might have been looking too far ahead, we admit it, but well, you’ve got to admit, it would have been nice to just have an easy year for once.
Instead we’re back where we’ve so often been, nipping at the heels of a couple other teams hoping that the breaks go our way in the second half. Now sure, there are statistics to support us. Odds are Joe will come back into form, and the pitching will regain its stuff, and Bill Smith will pick up one solid piece to help lead the charge towards October. And we could trot out all kinds of stats, like the fact that we’ve faced more teams over .500 than the Tigers or White Sox...and will, therefore, have a slightly easier road ahead.
But instead of, you know, rational logic, let’s do what we peanuts do best: Daydream!
In our magical imaginary 2nd half, Delmon Young will continue to confirm my man-crush and Nick Blackburn will once again use baked goods to combat the forces of evil and Gardy will once--at least once--push a merry little wheelbarrow out to collect Jesse Crain before Ze Ubermensch does too much damage to our leads. Also, the Tigers will trade Austin Jackson to the Red Wings (fast on grass, faster on ice!) and Ozzie Guillen’s new reality show will get a surprise twist when Flavor Flav becomes the team’s new GM. These distractions will beget our newest October fantasy: two whole wins against the Yankees!
Dare to dream little legumes, dare to dream.
I'm a little out of practice at this whole 'writing' think... it's like when I'm out of town for 2 weeks and don't practice Yoga and then when I get back I realize my hamstrings are probably half the length they used to be, only it's my level of creativity and not my ability to contort my body into strange positions. See even my metaphors are weird now.
I'll just start with a simple exercise.
THE TOP THREE THINGS THAT TERRIFIED ME ABOUT LAST NIGHTS GAME
1)David Price. I've never seen him play before, but the man is a pitching ninja. His 90-gajillion mph fastball is so stealthy you don't even see it until it's gone past you, and when I saw how totally ineffective we were against him, I sort of got bad feelings about the whole game.
2)Gardy putting in Ze Ubermensch, Jesse Crain, in the 8th. I love Jesse Crain...he is a nice guy (see Twins Fest 2009), but you would think that Gardy, a man who seems to have his head on his shoulders, would realize that 9 times out of 10, when you put Crain in, really bad things happen. I'm pretty sure there's some sort of statistical analysis linking Jesse Crain's pitching with sad puppies but I'll have to look into it further to be sure. And even though the recap made it look like he mowed them down, in person it was much more of a nail-biter.
3)The John Rauch intro video. At first I just when 'what?'...and then I was like "oh wait... this is for real??!" and then I started laughing because what else can you do when someone's freaky neck tattoo is being dramatically lit on a giant screen while Metallica plays in the background? I still can't decide whether I think it's totally awesome or the strangest thing I've ever seen, but mostly I'm leaning towards totally awesome. The best part was when he started out a little shaky and my mom goes "...maybe they should play that video again. he's cute!" MOM??!????? WHAT?????????????
If you haven't seen this particular bit of awesomeness you can watch it here, but it really doesn't do justice to seeing it on the awesome scoreboard. Did I mention the scoreboard is awesome? Let's do a little comparison, just for fun...
...and just as Target Field wins, so did the Twins also win, 2-1 over the Rays and it was a great night at Target Field! We are now 1-1 in the series...I'll make every effort to watch the game this afternoon and report back, and be a decent blogger once again.