Find the Silver Lining!

Time for a little blogosphere fun time: try to complete the following sentence.

Sure the Twins have lost 4 straight games to two mediocre teams, and sure our starting pitchers have given up 20 earned runs while only averaging 4 innings pitched during that span, and yeah, Mauer hasn't played in a week, and Thome hasn't played in a week, and JJ Hardy is back in Minnesota with a balky knee and Gardy got hit in the head with a ball; but at least...

Potential answers:

• at least the Sports Illustrated cover jinx is about to expire!
• at least Twins games are less predictable than 98% of television.
• at least the world's scientists have constructed the elusive robot fish.

...how are you making yourself feel less nauseous about this losing streak?

An EPIC DUCKING WIN over Toolishness

Just savor that image a little while longer. Hugs...lots of hugs...and Jim Thome, ol' man Jim Thome looking like he's just found a pony wrapped up under a christmas tree made of ice cream. Jim Thome looks like he's oh so happy to beat the White Sox, because we all are!

We won. We won against the White Sox. We won after being down 3 runs in the 9th inning. We won after losing the first game of this series which knocked us to 4.5 games out of first. We won against perhaps the sketchiest looking pitcher in the entire American League.

(Seriously, I'm sure Freddy Garcia's a nice guy, but seriously? Can you tell which one of the guys pictured on either side of this paragraph is a Jersey Shore cast member, and which is the afore mentioned White Sox pitcher?)

Another beautiful moment in this victory was the fact that the biggest hits in the 9th came from Cuddy and Delmon, our dearly beloved Masters of Supraction (TM). It was almost as though they were hitting Jersey Shore style toolishness in the face (assuming that an abstract concept have a metaphorical face).

Honestly, I can easily imagine this trash talk conversation:

Cuddy, Delmon or any Twins Hitter really: "Forsooth, I shall smite thy pitch Sir Tool."

Bobby Jenks, Freddy Garcia, any White Sox Pitcher: "You better not hope I don't find out your name, bro!!!!!!!"

Twins Hitter: "My name is on the back of my jersey good sir...now please throw a pitch."

[Pitch is thrown, hit is made, yelling continues]

White Sox Pitcher: "GET THE F*#^ OUT OF HERE BRO, THAT'S ONE SHOT KID!"

Twins Hitter: "Aye, verily, 'tis only one shot...but it has foiled your plans...fare thee well and might I add: Nyeah-nyeahnyeah-NYEAH!!!"

In short victory is awesome, so let's revel in that one more time:

Sigh...awesome...SO awesome

(P.s. If you haven't yet, vote for the Twins Pepsi Refresh Project, or any Pepsi Refresh Project really...well done MLB, well done)

You know it's a bad night when...

a) we're losing so bad I write a post mid-game

b) Dick and Bert resort to discussing European Geography (No, Dick, Marseille is not near Germany)

c) Stinky and I are texting as a way to avoid watching the game

d) All of the Above

While there have been some nice things (Bobby Keppel rediscovering his old friend the strike zone--woohoo! Delmon Young playing well--DOUBLE WOOHOO!!!!) and we still have a chance, tonight's game has been, well let's just say it: Crapulent. But why? Well perhaps you remember this fellow.

Set--the multiheaded Egyptian god of Death and Evil who plagued us throughout the West Coast roadtrip and, after taking a three game break to attend the wedding of Linsday Lohan and Dark Lord Ba'al (during which we swept the White Sox), has returned to take a dump all over our pitching staff. Stinky believes that this is not true. That it is a godless world--devoid of Egyptian, Greek, Norse, even Asante deities--which plagues our team of late and that this accounts for our woes (she is actually in attendance tonight, so perhaps she can provide a first hand account, while I am left only to imagine)

But while we two may disagree this is a family affair--so we put it to you readers: Tell us what you think? What is ailing our boys in blue? Deism? Secularism? Barak Obama's Kenyan Birth Certificate? What? Inquiring minds want to know. And our bloggers* are willing to give you a kiss on the lips for the best answer.

File your answers below--we look forward to your suggestions

(*okay, only Merlin wants to kiss anyone on the lips--but still--he's adorable, so share your thoughts!)

Uh-O

A week ago we came together as a nation to elect Barak Hussein Obama to be the 44th President of the United States of America.

It was a transformative moment for our nation, overcoming centuries of oppression and small mindedness. 

And then...I found out the truth.

President-Elect Obama...is a Chicago White Sox fan.

A Chicago White Sox fan who delivered a speech lauding the Sox after they won the World Series.

A Chicago White Sox fan who hates the Cubbies fair weather faithful, and prefaces any placating of swing state voters by saying: "I am a White Sox fan"

A Chicago White Sox fan who now controls the nuclear missile codes and could give out tax breaks to anyone who sings a contract to play for the pale hosers.

Twins Territory is in jeopardy my friends. Our values of silliness and hit-and-run baseball are under assault from the austere and home-run obsessed White Sox World we now live in.

What will come next? Will we be shipped off to Guantanamo and "re-educated"? Will the nefarious Dr. Cakeburn be brought up on charges of high treason? Will there be a ban placed on all garden gnomes and a classification of Supraction as terrorist activity?

Ultimately this forces us to ask the question. Which loyalty leads the way: are you an American first or a Twins Fan first? Do you owe more to Twins Territory, or to the U. S. of A?

So I pose it to you, our MILLIONS* of fans and fellow Twins Territorians, what do we do? Post your suggestion as a comment on this blog, whether its secession from the union or outright war, let's hear it.

The best suggestions will win a limited edition Peanuts From Heaven Christmas Surprise, and lifetime membership in the Peanuts from Heaven Infinity Club. Raise your voice, and raise your status.

*approximation based on what I wish was true