Meet Minnesota Capps

Twice in one day! (I couldn't resist)

Here's a special little photoshop based on the votes in a recent poll for a new Matt Capps nickname. Congrats Matty boy you will henceforth be known as Minnesota Capps and we will, frequently use this image to depict your greatness.

We like to picture Capps like this. Spending 8 innings hustling the rubes on the road, mocking Paul Newman and his namby-pamby salad dressings, then turning up cool as ice to seal the deal and get a Twins win.

Congrats Matt Capps, you've officially been welcomed to the Peanut fold.

New Years Resolutions

After a delightful holiday break, we loyal Peanuts are back in business for your 2011 in Twinnesota.

There's all kinds of big things coming up in the year ahead, heck, in the next week alone, Carl Pavano will probably pick where to pitch, Bert Blyleven will find out if he gets a Hall of Fame plaque, and Bill Smith will see if he can return ugly sweaters after a couple of weeks. But while each of those events will merit big news coverage, we should also bear in mind the personal stories that distinguish just what makes our team so special.

Of course, every team wants to win a World Series, but what are the personal goals of our favorite athletes? Since we can't ask them ourselves, let's just make up what their New Year Resolutions could be!

Joe Mauer: Drop debut rap album Catcher in the Raw in time for the 2011 holiday season.

Jose Mijares: Find whoever keeps posting pictures of me as a princess and beat them up.

Denard Span: Go rest of life without hitting mother with a foul ball.

Carl Pavano: Keep the facial hair comeback alive by adding mutton chops.

Justin Morneau:Learn how to play first base inside a protective bubble to avoid future injuries.

Matt Capps: Pitch well enough to avoid the nickname "Fat Capps".

Delmon Young: Popularize the nickname "Fat Capps"

Brian Duensing: Convince bouncers in Minneapolis that I am actually old enough to get in to local night clubs.

Tsuyoshi Nishioka: Figure out how to play baseball in a very cold American city (wearing this blanket as a uniform might be a good start)

Scott Baker: Grow facial hair that doesn't get mocked endlessly.

Michael Cuddyer: Perfect the "Vanishing Yankee" illusion.

Ron Gardenhire: Learn how to use the twitter, so I can critique how other people do their jobs...that's the point of the thing...right?

How it could still go horribly, horribly wrong

While most other Twins blogs are concentrated on roster debates, rotation scheduling and the never-ending debate: "rest the starters or go for home field", we heavenly peanuts are remaining cautious. After enduring two years worth of nail gnawing playoff intrigue we won't celebrate until the fat lady has sung, showered, slipped into street clothes and slammed down a post-performance Pink Squirrel (this kind, not this kind...though that would be entertaining).

While I know it's unlikely, we could still lose the central. If the entire team assumes they have it won they might succumbs to "Glee Fever", forfeiting the rest of the regular season in order to practice their dance routines and medley homage to the music of Poison and 2 Live Crew. And if the White Sox win 12 in a row while our plucky underdogs are striving to triumph over the Yankees Men's Chorus (a pack of animatronic Derek Jeters performing perfectly synchronized renditions of Cotton Eyed Joe), then we'll be out of the playoff picture entirely.

It's close, very close, and as long as we avoid the temptation to "Gleek Out" I think we'll be okay...though it would be great to watch that medley homage after we clinch the division. Keep the music buried deep inside you Twins! (At least for a couple more days)

P.s. Big thanks to the BOOF! for beating the White Sox last night. We owe you big fella!

Ye Olde Baseball, and some stuff.

*scary movie trailer voice*
Last year... they were our only ray of hope.
*vision of Reyes, Gurrier, Crain and Neshek walking towards the camera surrounded by haloes of light. Aerosmith plays in the background*
But now.... *screen goes black. Creepy sound effects*
They are our DEADLIEST WEAKNESS.
*montage of bullpen giving up multiple 2 and 3 run homers. Psycho-esqe screechy music*
*close-up of Twins fans clasping their faces in horror and screaming*
Coming soon to a metrodome near you.....
THE BULLPEN.
*screechy noise*
(this film is rated N for NOBODY should have to watch this).



A few noteworthy things happened this weekend:
1) The Twins lost a couple of times.
2) I went to the Renaissance Festival and bought a cool pirate hat.
3) I discovered that my new hat was not, in fact, magical.

1) On Saturday, Twins baseball actually reached the point for me of being difficult to watch.
Baker left in the middle of the 7th inning after having given up a very respectable 2 runs, handing over the reins to Dennys Reyes. BAD IDEA. Lately, handing over the reins to Dennys Reyes has been like handing a gun to a blind cow with rabies. Sure enough, 2 run homer. Then Gurrier comes in to save the day! ....or possibly to give up another 2 run homer. Yay?

Going into the 9th, we had a 2 run deficit where we had so recently posessed a 2 run lead. This was the time for... a TWINS RALLY!!! Old school. Sure enough, the best of the best of the pirhanas, Nicky Punto, with the patience of a saint draws a walk. Denard span beans one in the face and Casilla bunts his little heart out and suddenly it's bases loaded, Mauer and Morneau up!!! OMG!!! How could we NOT score 2 runs??
Here's how: Mauer strikes out swiniging (huh? Mauer the king of patience?) and Morneau hits a smokin' ball at just the wrong angle and lines out to 2nd base. Maybe he was using the old "hit the infielders in the head and knock them unconscious to distract them while we run around the bases" trick, which unfortunately doesn't work quite as well when the infielders have gloves...and they usually do.

It breaks my soul. And I'm sure it breaks the little souls of Scott Baker, Francisco Liriano, Nick Blackburn, Kevin Slowey, and Glen Perkins. Poor lil' guys! They pitch so well and half the time they have nothing to show for it. I'd keep venting but I think I've made my frustration with the bullpen pretty clear over the last few weeks.

2) Yesterday, my smelly co-blogger and I went to the MN Renaissance Festival with a few of our friends - and yes we are huge nerds. We also succeeded in being terrible influences on each other - I talked him into an awesome comedia del'arte mask, and after about 10 minutes of cajoling he managed to talk me into buying a totally sweet pirate hat.

3) As I paid probably more than anyone should ever pay for a hat (but it is, as I said, a totally sweet hat), Smelly says to me "Wouldn't it be so awesome to write in the blog about how you put on your hat and then you checked the score and the Twins won?" Yes. That would have been awesome, and would have also proven the magical properties of the hat. Unfortunately, I could not do this because the Twins lost yesterday. So there it is.

On a more positive note, apple dumplings taste delicious. So does $5 all you can drink microbrew. Victory, however, is the most delicious thing of all - which is why it's a good thing that even though the Twins lost, twice, Smelly won at fencing, and the drunk guy we befriended at the jousting match won at life. You know someone is a quality human being, when they come up to you, drunk and falling over and ask your friend if they would like to bet on the jousting match, except it comes out sounding more like "heyyyyyyyyaouwannabetonnamatschh?"
"Uh...sure," your friend responds, "I think I have a dollar?"
"HOWbout.... a CHICKEN!! I'll bet you a chicken!" (which really sounded like: a;kdsf;j12;kjdf;akn!!!")
"Um... a whole chicken?"
"uhhh....yeahhh!!!!"
"OK well... I'm not sure I really know enough about jousting to bet a whole chicken. What about part of a chicken?"
"uhhh....whapart?...."
"How about the foot."
"ATSCHIKENFOOT???? CRAZY....WOW...TSCHIKEN.....FUT....!!!"
"...yeah..."
It was funny for about 5 minutes, and then we left.

I wish I could post pictures of us in our Mask and Hat, respectively, but I can't find the frigging cable that connects my camera to my laptop, so we will have to go without. Rest assured they'll be here soon.

So about half of this post was about baseball which is pretty much par for the course.
Today is the day of rest but we'll be back tomorrow, with more updates from your favorite peanuts :)

Lord of the Dome Trilogy, Vol. I - Fall of the Dark Side

Probably the first thing I noticed at last night's game were the three overly tanned, overly loud barely legal girls a few rows ahead of me, who went "wooo" and danced to every rap song that came fuzzily blaring over the loudspeakers. Now don't get me wrong - I love me some rap music. I also like to look good when I leave the house...it's just that my version of looking good doesn't involve skin cancer and ratting my hair out with a branch from a nearby tree. Additionally, they were holding a sign that said, in neon green and pink letters, "IOWA GIRLS LOVE JETER!!"... I wanted to punch them in the throat.

They also screamed everytime Jeter came to the plate, and continued cheering when he was tagged out at first (every time) and waving their sign around. But I didn't really care anymore when we were up 2-0, and cared even less when it was 4-0.

Honestly, I almost wrote the whole game off in the 2nd inning. I was pretty much ready to stand up and go home. Usually when things like that happen, people get flustered and we are crushed under the mighty weight of the opposing offense. Luckily, we didn't.
There's something really awesome about these new, young, resiliant Twins - they don't seem to get rattled as easily.

We also played some great small ball, and I was repeatedly reminded how much I love Nick Punto. Now if only Delmon "Supraction" Young and Go-Go-Gomez could learn not to swing at every crappy first pitch, fly buzzing by their heads and nearby pigeions we'd be set!

And best of all, we beat Sidney "My name sucks so badly that nobody can even think of a good joke to make about it" Ponson. Victory!