Dr. Cakeburn's Delicious Arsenal

At some point, in the long ago archives of this blog, Stinky and I decided that Nick Blackburn was the Twins pitcher with enough determination and pitching savvy to not only win ballgames but to accomplish these feats using baked goods. Last night, in our dark and dreary hour of need Dr. Cakeburn once again came to deliver a much needed complete game victory. How did he do it? Through his delectable arsenal of pitches of course! Here now, the Dr. Cakeburn display case of pitches.

Chocolate Fondant Fastball (with liquid center and raspberry seams)--Chocolate is delicious, melting chocolate is extra delicious, chocolate + melting chocolate + raspberries = most delicious and dangerous fastball ever.

Zebra Cake Sinker (See image of Blackburn at top of post)--a little junky, chock-full-o-preservatives--but impossible for hitters not to lunge at.

Chewy Chunky Change-up Cookie--A classic that appeals to everyone (has unfortunate side effect of getting smacked out of the ballpark, as in Miguel Olivo's homerun last night)

Rhubarb Crumble Curveball--If you've ever tried to eat rhubarb crumble with a straw you have some idea of how hard it is to hit this pitch when it's working right.

(Side note: Why did I try to eat rhubarb crumble with a straw?)

The "Can-of-Whoop(ie)-Ass Pie" aka Slider--A little whimsical, a little badass, all delicious.

Dr. Cakeburn used all these pitches (except the Chewy cookie) to great effect last night and in the process beat Doug Fister; whom he had "hooked-up" with last season. (We assume that Bert meant this in a totally non-suggestive way...but it sure seemed like there was an awkward tension while both were warming up in the bullpen, and I swear I saw Blackie tell Fister "I never wrote because I thought you'd never write back.")

Seriously though, congrats to Nick Blackburn and the rest of the boys on a much needed win; especially with Blackburn's house and home perilously close to the most recent outbreak of tornadoes in Oklahoma. You're a fine man Nick Blackburn, an excellent pitcher and one heck of a diabolical genius/baker.