Why do I tell you this, because after locking away this deep dark secret in the innermost recesses of my soul for the last two decades I finally confronted the truth in the wake of the stunning news on Sunday.
We signed Joe Crede. An All-Star Free Agent. A Scott Boras Client. A man who, if talk radio is to be believed, can simply step up to the plate at any time and hit a home run. And we didn't give away everything to do it. We didn't acquiesce to Boras' insane demands for 3 years, 21 million dollars, or Alaska. We even made our nemeses in Chicago all envious.
But something still felt a little wrong. The wrasslin' part of my brain was confused. As anyone who ever watched the squared circle can attest you get used to hating the bad guy. The guy who seems to grab folding chairs to whack your hero whenever possible. And for the last 4 years Joe Crede was that guy to our beloved Minnesota Twins.
I pictured him villainously snickering while he hit one of his home runs. Sneering as he tagged out a baserunner at third and slammed his head into the base (like a turnbuckle). Cackling after one of his maniacal predictions came true. I pictured him yelling to poor, scared Scotty Baker: "You pencil necked geek!! I'll make sure you experience pain in a new dimension! CRE-D!! BLAAAAGHURRRAGHURAGGGGH!!" Then hitting a home run, and charging the mound to club Baker over the head with the bat then biting the head off of a pigeon.
So it's bizarre when the guy you normally expect to blaaaaghurrraghuraggggh all over your pitching staff is suddenly the guy you're rooting for. Such unexpected changes in temperment happen all the time in wrasslin', but it's not the easiest thing to get used to. You've been booing him for so long, suddenly accepting him as one of the gang is a little difficult. Sudden betrayal is easy to fathom, sudden revelation...not so much.
So, Joe Crede, I invite you to prove your mettle. You seem like a good guy, but perhaps you can explain your change of heart a little bit better. I recommend blaaaaghurrraghuragggghing all over Scott Boras and your former teammates. Once you do that. You'll be our man...and we'll all revel in a new dimension of awesomeness: