Further Proof

Kristina's ground breaking report about the Yankees as vampires is shocking to say the least. But it begs the question, have the Yankees always been vampires?

Probably not all of them. Plenty of guys go to the Yankees, do poor to okay and then leave because they aren't judged to be "Yankee Material". (Looking at you Doug Mientkwitcz) This might hurt their feelings, but ultimately, they are saved from the gruesome fate of vampire life. Those who come up through the system and excel, or those who are stolen away from other teams and excel, they are the true Yankee vampires--or Yankpires, if you will. 

I mean, Dave Winfield is definitely not Yankpire. He was never the king of New York, and ended up playing his best ball in San Diego and Toronto--that doesn't meet our standards. And while Lou Gherig was totally awesome, he also died of a debilitating disease so rare it was named for him, that's hardly the stuff of Yankpire immortality (it is the stuff debilitating disease immortality).

Heck, think back to the very first Yankees, the original 1903-08 Yankees. Go ahead I'll wait...can you picture them?...No? Of course not, because the Yankees used to stink. Really stink. Stink so bad they went twenty plus years without a title. Stink so bad that even we peanuts have an issue with them. That all changed when this man--seen here in a rare candid home photo--came into their midst.
OF COURSE!! Babe Ruth hit the ball harder and farther than any man before him! He was both a great pitcher and a great hitter. He played his best baseball on a diet of soda pop and hot dogs. NO ONE OUGHT TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT (Unless they garnish the hot dogs with the blood of virgins.) He began the Yankee Dynasty, and begat the legions of Yankpires to come.

The Sultan of Swat.
The Collosus of Clout.
The Vice-Admiral of Vampires.

Babe Ruth. Yankee. Vampire. Progenitor of both a dynasty, and a demonic underbelly in baseball.

Just one more reason, to hate the Yankees.

1 comment:

  1. It's so true...I don't understand why nobody else has figured this out yet?!? Hundreds of years from now, someone will read our blog and thing "wow...they were right all along." But by then, the vampires will have taken over and it will be too late... :(