Dread Pirate in Peril!

OK - I trying not to panic too much. But come on...seriously...when you hear the words "Joe Nathan trying to avoid season-ending surgery," one's first instinct is pretty much to give up hope on the world and retreat into a land of listening to emotionally-riddled Celine Dion songs and eating pint after pint of ice cream.

But I don't want to do that. Primarily because it isn't quite ice cream weather yet.

So I did the logical thing, and made a list of best-and worst-case scenarios.

- Joe Nathan's elbow is magically repaired by Harry Potter and/or Gandalf.
- Joe Mauer, realizing that the Twins have access to magical healing powers, immediately signs a gazillion year contract.
- The Twins win the world series for at least 6 years in a row.
- After 6 years of winning they start to feel a bit like World-Series Monopolists, and magnanimously decide to let the Pirates win one.
- World Peace immediately follows.

- Nathan needs surgery.
- In his absence, we reverse our Milwaukee trade to bring Carlos back, and put him in as our closer, because why not?
- Carlos's pitches become a massive funnel cloud which engulfs Target Field and most of downtown Minneapolis.
- The Yankees take over the world.
- Everything sucks.

Needless to say, I'm really hoping for the scenario that does not involve surgery or evil vampires taking over the world. I also really like wizards.

I'm also pretty sure DP Nathan enjoys adorable puppies, so here's hoping he sees this and his elbow is mended by cuteness:


  1. If we wanted to be absolutely sure that Nathan felt better we could always dress that adorable puppy up in Wizard clothes. (That also works on floundering economies)

  2. Garrrrrr. The Dread Pirate shall come back!!!!!! If not John Rauch becomes Dread Pirate Rauch?

  3. i really hope rauch doesn't take over Nathan's role if he's out for the whole year. That would make me sad.

  4. Agreed! I'm voting for Matty G.

  5. so what is the matter with john rauch..as an outsider just comparing stats and what i hear from the "baseball" experts like the bbtn guys rauch seems to be the closer in waiting. just wondering why you'd say he was a d bag Betsy on your blog about rauch!