It's a frightening time for Luis Perdomo (and his beard). With all the young college relievers getting drafted and signed up with the Twins, long standing vets like Perdomo had better prove their worth quickly or else they'll find themselves looking for work elsewhere.
Meanwhile for the beard feared throughout New Britain there's the troubling development out of Oklahoma City. Yes, there's a new, hip, threatening beard loose in the world of sports: the mighty muzzle of James Harden.
But is Harden's hirsute chin chafer any mach for Perdomo's prickly scrap saver? (Is there any way I can work in some more aliteration?) Let's go to the tale of the tape for the two mighty beards.
James Harden's Beard Luis Perdomo's Beard
"The Ogre of OKC" "The Beast of New Britain"
Experience: 3 Years Experience: 6 Years
Length: appox. 5 inches Length: appox. 3 inches
Intimidation Rating: 7.5 Norisses Intimidation Rating: 7.3 Norisses
#of Cheeze Its lost inside: 11 # of Cheese Its lost inside: 13
Media Exposure: 11.6 Million (TV) Media Exposure: 14 zipcodes (Paper)
Recent Victims: Tim Duncan's graying grizzle Recent Victims: The Erie SeaWolves
Conceals: Blueprints for silky layups Conceals: An extra 4 MPH on fastball
Biggest Fans: ESPN Anchors Biggest Fans: Me (Sorry Luis...)
Award: Most Valuable Beard ('11-12) Award: Carolina League All-Scruff Team ('08)
Odds Beard gains sentience: 13:2 Odds Beard gains sentience: 3:1
Unfortunately it looks like the Ogre beats the beast in the eyes of millions (especially given Luis' recent sloppy outings), but to we few, foolish, Twins followers will keep touting the Power of Perdomo regardless of recent results.
No comments:
Post a Comment