As the Twins prepare to bicker and dither over the salaries of several key players, I've reviewed our blogging contract and come to the conclusion that my partner Stinky and I are vastly underpaid for the services we provide.
Just look at our stats, gentle reader! Sure our posts per year average dropped last year...but we were in foreign countries for large chunks of time! We can bounce back to good form! Besides, the big stats--drawing new visitors, keeping a high loyalty rate among regular visitors, providing links to other parts of the blogosphere--all of them were stable or improved! Heck, we increased the the number of graphs and charts 400%! Blog readers love statistics! And we love our blog readers!
But, sadly, love don't feed the bulldog, Dottie. If you want us to keep churning out sassy commentary on Twins news we'll need a few things. And while Stinky may have her personal demands, I'd like to state my own contract requests now:
- An annual salary in the low two-figure range
- A no-trade clause that precludes me from being sent to a Yankees blog against my will.
- A puppy (the one at the right will be acceptable)
- Bonus incentives at a rate of 20 gummy worms for every 25 new photoshops I make, maxing out at 100 gummy worms if I create 100 or more.
- At least one comment, at any point in the year, that says: "THAT WAS AWESOME!"
If these requests seem out of line expensive just remember: if Matt Capps is getting 7 Million dollars, aren't my contributions to Twins Territory worth a bag of gummy worms over the year?
But this is not a point-blank demand, I'll happily negotiate and continue writing this blog. But we've got to work together to come up with an equitable solution for us all gang. So please, leave your counter offers in the comments section below.
***Update January 21st
As there's no response yet I'll lower my demands to
- A salary in the low ten-cent range
- The no-trade clause
- A signing bonus of three gummy worms
***Update January 24th
Fine, I give in...I'll keep blogging without a salary and without the no-trade clause...oh, and I found an unattended bag of gummy worms at my office yesterday--so we'll call that good enough