Several years ago we Peanuts noticed that Delmon had an uncanny ability to reach base in ways that seemed completely implausible. He seemed to lead the team in pop-ups that got lost in the Dome, singles that skidded off of pebbles and following two weak ground outs with a monstrous home run. He seemed to thrive by surprising and distracting the opposition...so we merged the words and claimed that he "supracted" them. Later we realized that the Twins' resident magician should also be a part of this magical art and developed a whole shtick about Cuddyer & Young, Masters of Supraction (TM).
(You can read all about the origin of Supraction here, and see the complete annals of Delmon & Cuddy's supraction-tastic exploits here)
But as Delmon donned a different jersey and Cuddy sat on the bench nursing an injured neck, we wondered how Supraction would survive and thus imagined the following moments.
[In the Tiger dugout before game 1]
Delmon: So yeah, I could totally teach you guys some Supraction-tastic skillz. It'll totally help win the division and maybe even the World Series!
Miguel Cabrera: I don't know, just hitting the ball hard has worked pretty well for me.
Jhonny Peralta: Yeah, and I use the magical powers of my misplaced "h"...I think I'm okay, but maybe the younger guys like Brennan Boesch and Austin Jackson could use it.
Delmon: What do you think coach?
Jim Leyland: [Inaudible mumble, grumble, spit]
Delmon: ...was that a yes or a no?
Jim Leyland: [Grumble, spit, mumble]
Delmon: ...ooookay...here...just watch what it can do...I'm gonna totally supract Liriano in my first at bat because, hey! I'm wearing a different uniform and not in left field...he'll be surprised, he'll be distracted and I'll supract a home run!!
Jim Leyland: [Spit, grumble, mumble, spit]
Of course, Delmon went out and did just that, and Jim Leyland responded by clapping his hands, then mumbling and spitting. The next day, Cuddy, seemed dispirited.
Jim Thome: Hi there Michael...something troubling you?
Cuddy: Oh, Jim, it's nice of you to ask, but...I don't think you would understand.
Thome: I may not understand, but I'll always listen. C'mon Cuddy...Talk to Thome...
Cuddy: Well, Jim. You know how I like magic and sleight of hand tricks and surprising/distracting the opposition with my myriad skills of awesomeness?
Thome: Boy, I sure do! Your magic is SO COOL!
Cuddy: Well, I used to use those skills to win games with Delmon. And now that he's out there playing for Detroit I just feel...
Thome: Strangely empty in your soul?
Cuddy: Yeah! I mean, I know that Supraction will still be a part of the game, but it will be hard to replicate that old feeling of pure, randomly inspired, Delmon-rific, accidental awesomeness.
Thome: Would you feel better if I tried to Supract people by hitting more homeruns?
Cuddy: Thanks Jim, but your homers are kind of expected...maybe if you suddenly stole third base--
Thome: Yeah.............that ain't gonna happen buddy. But hey, why don't you look for a NEW friend to instruct in the art of Supraction. That way, the spirit of it can live on and on in Twins Territory.
Cuddy: Wow, you really are just, ridiculously awesome aren't you?
Thome: Yeah, pretty much. Wanna hug?
Cuddy: Yes. Yes I do.
And so it was that Cuddy began to search for new masters of Supraction. And in a few short moments he realized that the answer had been standing next to Delmon in the outfield for lo these many months. So yesterday, this happened.
Delmon in the first inning: Doo-de-doo...time to hit the ball really really far, and make all Detroit real happy! [Swings, blasts it to center and starts to trot until Ben Revere snags the ball over his shoulder]...Woah...umm...that was surprising...
Delmon in the fourth inning: Okay...here I go, ready to supract Carl to hell. [Swings and cranks it to right center, begins another double trot only to see Ben Revere run the ball down like a lion running down a gazelle] Woah...did he? What do I...I feel all distracted and...wait a second!
[Delmon turns to the Twins dugout and sees Cuddy grinning at him]
Cuddy: SUPRACTION SUCKA!!!
So Ben Revere, quiet, unassuming, broad-smiling, ball-chasing, catcher-running-over Ben Revere has become the latest student in the art of Supraction. We wish Delmon well teaching Supraction in Detroit, but we're even more excited to see Cuddy take on Revere as his Supraction paduwan.