OUR Minnesota Twins (Part 2)

If you're looking over our line-up and wondering: "who the heck is that guy?" We're here to answer, and we'll do it in the most Minnesotan way we know how: by providing you facts (player's background), fiction (the alternate background we used to dream up the photoshop), fandom (ways to cheer for them) and flattery (less positive cheers, aka Minnesota "Nice" comments)

Let's get started!

Meet Ryan Doumit! (Back Up Catcher/DH)

Player's Background: After several years of productive and unheralded play, Ryan Doumit left Pittsburgh to come to Minnesota (which really wasn't going to help with the heralding part of things but...anyhoo). Doumit was so effective with a bat in his hands that the Twins gave him an extended contract in the middle of the season, just to keep him around...maybe.


Alternate Background: Ryan Doumit likes baseball. He also likes leaving the first few buttons on his jersey undone. Perhaps it's his style, or perhaps he's trying to keep the ogling fans happy. One way or another his immodest buttoning makes him seem less like Ryan Doumit professional ball-player and more like "Ryan Suuuuaaaave!" professional model.

Positive Cheers: (In the style of Gerrado's famous song) Ry-an! Suuuuuaaaa-ve!

Less-than Positive Cheers: Um...Ryan...would mind...buttoning up, it makes the rest of us self conscious.

Meet Brian Duensing! (Left Handed Reliever)

Player's Background: Coming out of the University of Nebraska, Brian Duensing was hardly the most impressive Husker pitcher, especially given that his fellow hurler Joba Chamberlain ate most of the other pitchers in Lincoln. Yet Duensing survived and made it to the majors where he found improbable success. Improbable enough to make him the game 1 starter against the Yankees in the 2009 playoffs (and to get him a start in the 2010 playoffs too)...he lost both times and now is a relief pitcher.

Alternate Background: Brian Duensing was born on the day that disco died and he took it upon himself to make sure that it never actually died. Since his name can be pronounced in close approximation of "dancing" the puns (and ugly photoshops) are seemingly endless!

Positive Cheers: You make me feel like Duensing! (I want to Duense the night away!) Duense, Duense, Revolution!

Less-than Positive Cheers: Don't make us turn Target Field into the small town from Footloose! Disco Sucks!