OUR Minnesota Twins (Part 7)

It's our final Get To Know 'Em post this Spring and we're delighted to send it off in style with two rising talents in the Twins ranks.

Meet Chris Parmelee! (Right Fielder/First Baseman)
Scott Boras at home
Player's Background: In the minor leagues Parmelee has been a steady presence at first base, hitting for some solid power numbers and earning raves from serious Twins fans who seem him as the heir apparent to incumbent first baseman Justin Morneau.

Alternate Background: Chris Parmelee is in fact the future, and I'm sure his agent (Scott Boras) will tell you that. In an effort to increase Parmelee's profile in the wake of Morneau's consistently popular "bench pressing with bears" McDonald's commercials, Boras has gotten Parmelee his own line of cheese! Yes, Chris Parmelee's Parmesean will soon be available at all fictional grocery stores, super markets and fromageries.

Positive Cheers: Behold the power of cheese! Chrissy-Chrissy-Parm-Parm!

Less-than Positive Cheers: Well, at least he got his calcium today.

Meet Liam Hendricks! (Pitcher)
Player's Background: There are few more frustrating pitchers than Liam Hendricks. All the statistics say that he should be ready for the major leagues. All the mechanics and peripherals make it seem like he should be ready for the major leagues. And yet he's a paltry 1-10 in the majors with a plus 6 ERA. Still...he has an arm so...

Alternate Background: The promising Righty from Perth is often lauded as one of Australia's top baseball products, and with good cause: he's as Aussie as a rugger singing Waltzing Maltida after eight pints of Fosters. So though his technique in American athletics might be a little less orthodox, he might be as powerful and important an Australian import as Mel Gibson, Russell Crowe or...okay, just Crocodile Dundee, or as we will now refer to him: Crocodile Hendree!

Positive Cheers: That's not a fastball...this is a fastball! He'll lay you flat out like a lizard drinkin!

Less-than Positive Cheers: Don't worry Liam, you had a rough outing...we'll refrain from gently mocking your beloved homeland and not even mention the words "shrimp" "barbi" "dingo" or "baby"

1 comment:

  1. G'day.

    Liam's line has been confounding. He seems to come up with an 'L' even when he's on song - That complete 3 hit, 1 run effort that ran into King Felix last year comes to mind. I reckon luck will break for him soon though - He's too good for it not to.

    I'll bite on the cliches:

    Mel Gibson is an American, Russell Crowe is a New Zealander and Crocodile Dundee is fictitious. The only crocodiles in Perth are in zoos anyway.

    We're not really into rugby out West and while we like pints of beer, Fosters not so much - There is a reason why we export most of it.

    Thanks for referencing Waltzing Matilda - It's our proper national anthem, and yes, it's about a man who steals a sheep and then commits suicide. We don't understand that either.

    Also, we never call them shrimp - They're prawns to us.

    Last, we're sorry that the Luke Hughes thing did not work out for you.

    Keep up the nice work and best of luck for 2013 to the Twins.

    A Red Sox fan from Perth, Western Australia