An Unconventional Pick for the Next Twins Manager

Here's the truth. Both of us peanuts love Ron Gardenhire. We know that we're in the minority there...especially after the last four years...but c'mon, he looks like a little garden gnome. He's ADORABLE!
Seriously though, thank you for the support you provided and the lack of lawsuits you threw our way Gardy. You're a cool dude.

But now our attention turns to the real focus of the hour. Who will replace Gardy on the top of the Twins dugout step?

Maybe without the glove...
Right now the fan base seems split into two camps:
1--Someone in house who can carry on the "Twins Way" and maintain the loyal, disciplined, do the little things right mentality that helped Kelly and Gardenhire lead the Twins to seven more postseasons than they ever had before. (More postseason berths helped that too.)
2--Someone from outside the organization who can provide a fresh perspective, a new way of doing things and maybe, just maybe, EVEN MORE POST SEASON WINS!!

But why not split the difference and choose someone who has been loyal and integrated in the Twins for the last fifty-or-so years, AND is not yet part of the organization? Someone who knows "The Twins Way" AND can approach problems in a way that no manager has ever done before?

That's why my pick to be the next Twins manager is...MY MOM!!

Yes, I think my mother should be the next Twins manager and before you scoff, allow me to deliver the following points in her favor.

  • She's a life-long Twins fan, a former member of the knot-hole gang in Bloomington, homer-hanky waver from Montana, and loyal knitter/shouter from her current home in Minneapolis.
  • She has over three decades of experience tending to unruly boys who don't know what's best for them
  • She's an excellent cook (so the Pohlad's can save on wasteful post game spreads in lieu of post game potlucks!)
  • She has better nicknames for players than most managers do, and can lead rally-chants like "Mientkiewicz, Mientkiewicz, Make me a Sandwich!"...which will be particularly useful if Douggie M. is her Bench coach.
  • She is wise enough to tell players after critical errors: "Don't do that!" in the kind of stern, but loving tone that players will definitely respond to.
  • She speaks French which is kind of like Spanish...
  • She knows enough social media to engage with fans, but not so much that she would get distracted (unlike Ozzie Guillen)
  • I'm sorry, I'm sure you're nice people
    But No...just No.
  • Hiring her would give young female fans something to aspire and relate to OTHER than being a Fox Sports North Girl.
  • She's a state championship knitter, which would be killer at charity auctions and events ("Bid on this award winning sweater from the Twins manager")
  • She's an excellent Mezzo-Soprano, so our national anthems will forever be on pitch!
  • She's working to understand SABR-metric statistics, but still appreciates a good RBI.
I know that many will prefer to debate the merits of Manny Acta versus Terry Steinbach, and others will say that managers don't make much difference anyway...but I don't care. I'm fully on board with this.


No comments:

Post a Comment