Oh Noez!

JOSE MIJARES: (wakes up slowly, rubbing head) Ow...man where am I?

(looks around and sees the sleeping bodies of his fellow relief pitchers lying on a cold stone floor)

AHHH!!!! No good! Hey guys...guys wake up!!!!

DENNYS REYES: NOOOO JAFAR DON'T TAKE MY CHEESY FRIES!!!! (looks around confused) Huh? Jose? Where are we....?

MIJARES: I don't know...it seems like we're locked in some sort of stone enclosure. With a window.

REYES: (stumbles to window) OMG! We're locked in a tower!!!

MIJARES: Like Rapunzel?

REYES: Um...kind of....except...not.

CRAIG BRESLOW: (slowly waking up) Hey guys...I had a dream we were kidnapped by men in tights and locked in a tower.

MIJARES: We are locked in a tower. Like Rapunzel.

BRESLOW: This is NOT GOOD. How are we supposed to pitch to victory in 2009 when we're locked in a tower? How are we supposed to make sure our awesome starters will get the wins they deserve? BAD BAD BAD!!! (runs at window preparing to leap out)

REYES: (blocks breslow with his well-fed body) No Craig don't! There's got to be another way...there must be someone who can save us....

(as he says this, the valiant knight Sir Justin Morneau rides by on his mighty steed)

MIJARES: Sir Justin! Sir Justin please help!

HOTTIE MCHOT: I'm sorry guys...I can't save you. Only one man can.

ALL: Who???

SEXYPANTS: Sideshow Pat, the greatest knight in all the land. He will decimate your captors with his crazy sidearm.

ALL: Oh ok.

MIJARES: Have a nice day!

(Sir Justin rides off)

(The 'pen sits around twiddling its thumbs for some time)


(Up rides valiant knight Sir Denard Span!!!)

BRESLOW: Sir Denard! Have you seen Sideshow Pat?

SPAN: Oh um....about that....yeah.... he's not coming.

ALL: WHAT?????

SPAN: Yeah....on his way here he was spotted by some carnies. They were so amused by his crazy underhand style and body-flinging antics that they hauled him into their caravan and took him away.


SPAN: Welp...sorry there's nothing I can do. You kids will have to find your own way out of this one.

.....what will they do???? Stay tuned for spring training to find out....

1 comment:

  1. Sigh...'tis true...the fair lasses of our bullpen shall never again see the light of day until they decide to stop sucking of their own accord.

    Until then, I suggest they eat one another until that inspiration comes...starting with either Dennys or Boof.