Because of that, I just want to give a special shout out to Scott Diamond, whose first major league start last night was neither awe-inspiring nor god awful; but regardless of how the game turned out or how Diamond performed he looked as pleased as punch just to be there, and his having fun left me feeling pretty good about life.
Maybe it was Diamond's boyish enthusiasm, maybe it was spending all-day Saturday watching a certain movie franchise from start to finish, maybe it was both of these plus the aforementioned sweltering heat making me a little loopy, but I suddenly imagined that instead of a call to come to Minneapolis, Mr. Diamond got this letter (which totally isn't real, but totally ought to be):
Mr. S. Diamond
The Bullpen Under the Bleachers
We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to pitch at Targwarts Field of Switch-Hitting Craft and Wizardry. We have been monitoring your progress as an apprentice pitching Wizard and would like to provide you with appropriate tutelage to master your skills. Please bring your own glove, spikes and dehumidifying bubble charm to protect you from oppressive heat in the area. We will be unable to reimburse you for any travel expenses, but if you could arrange travel to the Minneapolis Airport via broomstick we will provide the blue ox drawn carriage to ferry you to Targwarts.
We shall expect your arrival by 6 o'clock on Monday, July 18th, should you fail to arrive we will assume you have been killed by the Steinbrenner who Shall not be Named.
Keeper of Keys, Grounds and Line-up Cards at Targwarts Field
P.s. This totally isn't rookie hazing...we really are wizards, I promise!