The Great Twins Scotch Bet: Ready for the Final Act

It's sweet of you to keep trying Pedro, really, it is.

Entering the final week of the season there are many dramatic moments left in Twins territory. We could see a team clinch the central division, we could see a team clinch the wild card, neither of those teams could be us...but still...drama!

Still there are a few people who are hoping to see the Twins win a lot this week (other than fans of Texas, Kansas City, and New York). Well..there's one...well there's me. After all, I've got a bet with my wife and father and law on how many games the Twins can win this year

Again, the wagers are

Stinky: 0-69 Wins

Scruffy: 70-74 Wins

Gouger: 75-81 Wins

Where We Are Now

The smart one is the one on the left

It's official...the Gouger is out, his prediction of a .500 record was pretty hard to believe back in March, it was even harder to believe last week when he needed the Twins to win 11 games in two weeks. So we know that he'll buying a scotch, the only question is for whom.

Stinky's got the best chances if the Twins lose 3 or more games this week. And since they'll be facing the top two teams in the Central division (both of whom are still fighting for playoff spots) there's a very, very good chance of that happening.

Stinky: No more than 4 wins

Scruffy: At least 5 wins in the last 7 games

Gut Feeling

Here's a shocker. My wife is right. She was right. She will be right for the foreseeable future. As much as I want to imagine an incredible, amazing, staggering rise from the ashes to victory over two rivals, punctuated by triumphant interviews with Brian Dozer in which his southern drawl says: "this one's for that scruffy blogger who thought we could win marginally more games than standard oddsmakers predicted! You've earned a scotch just for having faith!" it's not going to happen.

The Plouffe Paradox

Last Friday, I attended what will likely be my last game of the year. As you would expect, I ate more than was good for me, and watched the Twins go down in ignominious defeat.

I also heard a noise I had never heard before at the ballpark.

There were men at first and second with one out when a ground ball rolled harmlessly to Trevor Plouffe. One out, easy as pie...but did he throw the ball to second base for the double play? No. No he did not.

I've heard fans boo; I've heard fans jeer; I've heard fans scream and cry and gnash their teeth in frustration, but until that play I had never heard fans make this noise in unison:

BAD PLOUFFE!!

"YAA--waahhhh--ohhhhh....uuuggghh..."

It took me a while before I realized what that was. It was the sound of resigned disappointment. It was the sound of hundreds of Twins fans having a reaction that was not only instantaneous, it was bred from months and now years of watching Trevor Plouffe play baseball.

YAA--it starts with excitement, potential, possibility, familiar thrills.

Waaahhhhh--then comes disbelief, sharp, incredulous, dumbfounded.

Ohhhhh--then there's recognition, a sense that this has all happened before, particularly when there's that number 24 on the jersey.

Uuuggghh--finally there's dismay, dissatisfaction, and acceptance that this is our lot in life. As if to say: "Of, course you did that, Trevor, of course you did."

Best of all, the sound can be reversed for a pleasant appreciation of underrated talent (only this time, when Trevor Plouffe is at the plate). A single, a double, the rare high arching home run. They're all moments of pure Plouffey pleasure starting with rumbling fear (uuuggghh), recognition (ohhhh), disbelief (waaahhhhhh) and excitement (YAA!)

That's what Trevor Plouffe adds to the Twins: a familiar face and even more familiar reaction. Whatever else we think of the Twins, whatever we think they ought to do in the offseason, who they ought to fire, hire or blow up in a quest to reverse the bad juju, we can all agree on Trevor Plouffe.

Maybe Plouffe's doing it intentionally. Maybe, like Haley Mills (or more accurately, like Lindsey Lohan), he's offering us a Parent Trap like chance to rekindle our love for each other.

Good Plouffe!

If we're torn between whether to rebuild the pitching staff internally or cast our lot amongst the free agents--Trevor Plouffe reminds us that we can all agree on his crappy fielding.

If we're arguing fiercely over whether Joe Mauer ought to move to first base or keep his catching gear--Trevor Plouffe reminds us that he too can hit from time to time.

If we're arguing over whether Trevor Plouffe totally stinks or only mostly stinks...well...you get the idea.

In a season of lost causes and hopeless false starts, it's important to appreciate the little things: Trevor Plouffe uniting us all in agreement is one of them. Bravo Trevor, Bravo.

The Great Twins Scotch Bet: Part Deux

If I win that 18 year old Highland Park, you get a taste Josmil

As some of you might remember, we Peanuts have found a way to make the last few weeks of yet another lost season slightly interesting: GAMBLING!

Okay, so we don't have any real money on the line, just requests for Scotch that we likely would have spent money on anyway, but still, every little bit of interest helps the cause. And we have Stinky's dad, the Gouger, in on the action too...sadly he won't be in on it for much longer

To refresh your memory: the wagers are

Stinky: 0-69 Wins

Scruffy: 70-74 Wins

Gouger: 75-81 Wins

Where We Are Now

Despite initial success against the Angels and A's the Twins quickly reverted to their uninspiring ways (including on Friday night for what will likely be our last live game of the year). After today's stunner over Tampa, the Twins stand at 64-84 for a winning percentage of .432. Based on that winning percentage the Twins stand to win 69.9 games, which some would call mathematically impossible...but then again this is baseball...what's that...even in baseball it's impossible to receive credit for a partial victory? Oh...never mind then.

Here's what we're rooting for heading into the final two weeks of the season.

Stinky: No more than 5 wins

Gouger: No more than 3 losses
Scruffy: Anything between 6-8 and 10-4

Gut Feeling

All of the sudden a three game set in Chicago is really really important. If the Twins sweep then I'm in a fantastic position. If they get swept I'm pretty well dead to rights because there's very little chance of our posting a winning record against Oakland, Detroit and Cleveland as they fight for the playoffs and we fight for...what's that thing...the opposite of the shame-y feeling we have at most Twins games? Oh yeah! Less Shame!!

The Great Twins Scotch Bet

Kevin Corriea: Determined to Win My Wife a Scotch

At the start of the year my wife (aka Stinky), her father (aka Gouger) and I made a bet. The winner of this bet would win two glasses of scotch (redeemable at any time they chose), the losers would buy said scotch.

The subject of the bet, naturally for a set of Twins fans, was how many games the Twin would win this year, so as we near the end of the season, it seems only right to check our progress and odds of winning the bet. (What else is there to root for this year?)

The Wagers

Stinky: 0-69 Wins

Scruffy: 70-74 Wins

Gouger: 75-81 Wins

Where We Are Now

The Twins stand at 61-80 for a winning percentage of .433. Based on that winning percentage the Twins stand to win 70 games (or 71 if you prefer the science behind predictionmachine.com). The team has 21 games left. which means we're each rooting for the following outcomes.

Stinky: 8-13 or worse wins or less

Scruffy: 9-12 to 13-8

Gouger: 14-7 or better

Gut Feeling

For the time being the math is in my favor. But I'm increasingly hard pressed to see how the Twins can win even 9 games, especially as they face a string of playoff teams. Fielding a team of Rochester's best against the A's and the Rays this week seems like the recipe for an underwhelming week. Maybe they could pull something off against the Angels (if Pedro Hernandez gets his act together) and maybe they can sneak one from the A's...but more than two seems unlikely.

Getting the Band Back Together

Years ago, back when there were frequent playoff berths and easy jokes to crack amid winning seasons, we debuted a segment called: Sargent Gardy's Lonely Hits Club Band. Part Beatles homage, part McLaughlin Group homage, all goofy. Few people read them...but I was amused enough to make a t-shirt in their honor. I was wearing that t-shirt yesterday when my father-in-law sent the following text message: "Morneau is gone-hope they can get him back next year."

My wife and I reacted as most fans did, simultaneously upset and yet hopeful that Morneau gets a shot at the World Series. But soon enough I realized that Morneau's trade would officially end Sargent Gardy's Lonely Hits Club Band...in Minnesota...but now that three of the four members are in the National League, perhaps it's only the beginning.

 Below is the first installment of their reunited panel discussion show, almost four years in the making:

[Theme Music plays, lights come up on four men in various far flung hotels, all wearing Beatles inspired military regalia]

McNeau: Welcome, at last, to the reunion of Sargent Gardy's Lonely Hits Club Band. The most elite roundtable of baseball minds ever to play in Minnesota.
Ringomez: AND MEE!!!!
McNeau: I'm Justin McNeau, the adorable one, and with me as always are Denard Spannon in Washington....
Spannon: The cerebral one.
McNeau: Brendan Harrisson in Round Rock Texas...
Harrisson: The quiet one.
McNeau: And Carlos Ringo-mez in Milwaukee...
Ringomez: BOODLEDEE BOP!!
McNeau: Gentlemen, I'm new to this whole playing for a totally different team, what is the best part of going elsewhere?
Spannon: You have the magical appreciation of a new realm of potentialities which, of late in Minnesota, have diminished in attainability to becoming a mirage of athleticism in a desert of despair.
Harrisson: Yeah...the chance to win is nice, but I really like getting to know real people elsewhere, beyond the bright lights big city scene [the other three snicker], seriously [snickering grows louder] I don't need to play in the majors [everyone just laughs] I AM MY OWN MAN!
McNeau: Good one Brendan...Carlos, what's your favorite part of playing elsewhere?
Ringomez: CHEESE CURLS!! Oh, and I hit home runs now!!
McNeau: Sure you do...
Spannon: No...actually...he does...
McNeau: Huh, well, issue number two, what differentiates the National League from the American League? Brendan?
Harrisson: There is a real beauty in the purity of having pitchers hit.
Spannon: Even if they hit better than you do?
Harrisson: They do not!
Ringomez: Hehe! Brendan can't hit!
Spannon: Ancient systems are uninteresting to me, we are only whatever we can be in the moment. The National League has won more recent all-star games and the world series. This is the thrill of what is immediate and makes it truly both a and the present.
Harrisson: Even if your team's barely over .500?
Spannon: At least my team's playing in front of more than 500 people!
[Everyone begins talking at once]
Harrisson: You guys are too fixated on the fame and the popularity of what we do, what about the art behind it! My sitar teacher's been telling me that I need to focus on my own sense of inner peace, and that's what I'm doing, if you can't respect that...
Spannon: Winning isn't everything, that's part of this culture's over emphasis on competition that no one appreciates the little things any more, these fasco-capitalist oligarchies pretend we can only be happy if we win; but winning is lots of things, like enjoying your family or teaching Bryce Harper not to say "bro" as often...
Ringomez: I have a  love-ly bunch of coconuts! deedle-dee-dee! There they are all standing in a row!! Bum, bum, bum! Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head...
McNeau: Gentlemen! Seriously, I'm kind of freaking out. I'm not an MVP any more and while Minnesotans had happy memories of my glory years to keep the cheers coming, what if Pirates fans boo when I only get a single and strike out three times?
Spannon: Embrace the victory of the self Justin. You are strong and powerful and you can help them have their first winning season in 20 years, they might not love you, but they'll thank you.
Harrisson: And even if they don't, it doesn't matter. You're a good person, with a family and a successful career. Besides, when you return to Minnesota, they'll still cheer for you.
Ringomez: And you are a good mentor! You make winning easy and playing fun!!!
McNeau: Thank you guys. As we wrap up today's analysis, do you guys find yourselves missing anything from Minnesota?
All: Joe's Sideburns.
McNeau: I thought so.

Adopt a Prospect II.5: Never Give Up, Never Surrender

This is the final installment of our inconsistent series attempting to motivate Luis Perdomo who was today, released by the Rochester Redwings and Minnesota Twins

Wings moves: RHP Luis Perdomo released; RHP Cole De Vries promoted from Double-A New Britain.
— Rochester Red Wings (@RocRedWings) August 27, 2013

Good luck, Luis

To most that would sound like a defeat, like the baseball gods are telling you--none too kindly--to get out of the way and not let the door hit you where the good lord split you.

It's sad, but true Luis. You're 29 playing on a team where the average pitcher's age is 26 and a half. You're having one of the two worst seasons in your eight year career. You've only pitched twice in the last two weeks...and not particularly well either time.

It's pretty clear that you have been defeated, Luis. But while that would be the end of the conversation for many people (particularly those in a highly competitive field like professional athletics), that is not the way of those who follow our motivational seminar: De-Restraining the Force Inside You!


So don't give up, Luis. Don't surrender. Keep trying to do what you love. If it's still baseball, by all means keep trying to make your way into a baseball line-up. Keep pitching, or hitting, or take up coaching. Few players who take up baseball ever make it to the Major Leagues, and you did. While it makes sense for someone your age, with your recent track record to give up on baseball, if you want to keep dong it you really should.


If you want to do something else, then by all means, do that, and no matter how many opportunities you have to give up or surrender, please keep working at it until you have the success you desire.

It's not often that a blog writer gets so worked up about the release of a middling middle reliever in AAA. Or that he genuinely hopes said middling middle reliever finds true happiness. But following the career of Luis Perdomo over the last two years taught me precisely this same lesson. Writing about a player who has worked assiduously to do his best, to elevate himself back up to the major leagues reminded me of some of the things I love best about baseball.

It would have been easy to give up writing this blog when the Twins sank into last place. It would have been easy to surrender to the truth that the players I write about and care about aren't terribly exciting, or even all that good, and that my time is better spent elsewhere.

But Luis Perdomo kept pitching, and I kept writing. I'm glad I wrote about him. I'm glad I've continued to write this blog. And I hope that he keeps doing what he loves, just as I'll keep doing what I love.

Never give up, Luis; never surrender.

Dog Days: It's Okay for Puppies to Lose

Hi again humans.

I am Sidney, and I am blogging for my humans. Why you ask? My humans are frustrated with the Twins. They lose and lose, they say. My humans even argue over how much the Twins will lose, which is kind of silly because even if one of my humans win...they will watch the Twins lose.

When my hairy human takes me in the car (which I hate so much it makes me vomit in fury), he presses a button and we hear the voices of other people talking about the Twins...and how much they lose. Every voice seems to sound the same: very sad. Are all you Twins fans very sad about losing? Are all you Twins fans very sad when you need to talk about the Twins?

You shouldn't be. And I know one of you isn't.  Once in the evil car, I heard a human say "We could talk about the Twins," while two humans went "NO" in the sad voice that follows me peeing on the carpet. But one human went "Yay!" I like that human. I think he is a geek. But I like him just the same.

I didn't even have my teeth
on it...rookie mistake.

It is okay to lose. Take it from me, I used to lose every time I played tug with my humans. For years! I brought them my toy and they pulled it away no matter how hard I held on to it. Then they threw it...like they didn't even want the toy in the first place! Why take my toy if you don't want to keep it?!? (Ugh...my humans are dumb sometimes.) So I go get the toy and bring it back to ask them, then they try to take it again...only to throw it again!!

My humans are surprised that I keep playing this game. But it is because I lost so many times that I started to find ways to win! I learned from my losses. If I wag the toy in front of the hairy human, he misses grabbing it, and I can run away to chew it elsewhere! If I flop in front of the pretty human after she takes the toy, she drops it and starts petting me...WINNER!

Good boy, Pedro!

*Side note: I very much want to play tug and fetch with Pedro Florimon. He throws things like my humans. But he also chases them like me. He would make a very good playing partner. His Total Zone Runs Saved above Average is 4th best in all of baseball! My humans do not even make the list of players in baseball. They are not as good as Pedro. If I could just grow opposable thumbs, Pedro Florimon and I would play together all day long!*

It is sad that the Twins are losing. But because they lose I think that they will soon be able to win! They are basically a team of puppies. Puppies do not immediately win every game of tug, young players do not immediately win championships.

Some people say they are mad that the Twins are not trying to win. They are not playing good players! They are not hiring good players! I understand. You pay money. You want to see good things. But just think of the players as puppies. I think the human gnome man who manages the Twins already thinks of them this way. He calls them by puppy names! If "Gibby" struggles, it's okay, he's just learning. If "Hicksy" can't hit, it's okay, he's just learning. If "Oswaldo-y" drops a ball, it's okay, he's just learning

Now imagine 8 more of me
at Target Field!

Sure, you can go out and buy already trained dogs who will win games of tug and always go fetch and win many blue ribbons for prettiness. But they cost a lot of money and so you can probably only buy one or two. BUT! You could always buy a bunch of little puppies and train them to win games of tug and go fetch and look pretty all the time. Plus, you get to see puppies. And puppies are cute.

Like me.

So be like the Geeky human in the car. Cheer for the puppies! They will learn! You will be proud!

YAY PUPPIES! YAY TWINS!!