It was a transformative moment for our nation, overcoming centuries of oppression and small mindedness.
And then...I found out the truth.
President-Elect Obama...is a Chicago White Sox fan.
A Chicago White Sox fan who delivered a speech lauding the Sox after they won the World Series.
A Chicago White Sox fan who hates the Cubbies fair weather faithful, and prefaces any placating of swing state voters by saying: "I am a White Sox fan"
A Chicago White Sox fan who now controls the nuclear missile codes and could give out tax breaks to anyone who sings a contract to play for the pale hosers.
Twins Territory is in jeopardy my friends. Our values of silliness and hit-and-run baseball are under assault from the austere and home-run obsessed White Sox World we now live in.
What will come next? Will we be shipped off to Guantanamo and "re-educated"? Will the nefarious Dr. Cakeburn be brought up on charges of high treason? Will there be a ban placed on all garden gnomes and a classification of Supraction as terrorist activity?
Ultimately this forces us to ask the question. Which loyalty leads the way: are you an American first or a Twins Fan first? Do you owe more to Twins Territory, or to the U. S. of A?
So I pose it to you, our MILLIONS* of fans and fellow Twins Territorians, what do we do? Post your suggestion as a comment on this blog, whether its secession from the union or outright war, let's hear it.
The best suggestions will win a limited edition Peanuts From Heaven Christmas Surprise, and lifetime membership in the Peanuts from Heaven Infinity Club. Raise your voice, and raise your status.
*approximation based on what I wish was true
Ack....it's true. After all, as everyone, knows, pie + baseball = America.
ReplyDeleteBecause I'm anti-White Sox, does that make me, in Obama's eyes...anti-American? I don't know whether I can get behind this or not. But I refuse to change my baseball allegiance for the sake of our great nation.
OK - it's time to get the ball rolling. Since nobody has yet posted any ideas as to what we should do as Twins Fans, I'll just put one out there.
ReplyDeleteI think we should use diplomacy. Send Gardy over to DC, maybe with Scott Baker and his cute little baby. Three things Barack Obama could not possibly resist: Babies, awesome pitchers, and rosy-cheeked gnomes. Delmon Young will suprise AND distract Obama's people while Gardy and Baker feed the president pie and explain to him why he should be a Twins fan, while the baby sits there looking cute. It can't possibly fail. There's babies, and pie.
...Or, alternatively we could do soemthing involving live animals and a trebuchet. (I just really like Trebuchets).
OK readers...we know you're out there. Your names are Sunny, RT, the Clark....come on the Clark it's your FAVORITE BLOG and is even bookmarked as such. Now, write dammit.
Ok, you got me with this one. As a White Sox fan myself I recommend submitting to your new overlords. Sit there and take it like good little conquered peoples. After all, being overrun isn't that bad. The British did it, and look how that turned out. Africa is now a thriving paradise with absolutely no ethnic conflict, power-mad dictators and creative use of email scams. India and Pakistan are the best of friends. China has absolutely no resentment over the Opium Wars and is certainly not putting an economic boot up our ass. Really, what could possibly go wrong? Just sit back and enjoy your status as second class citizens. If you don't make too much noise, its possible that our president and overlord will be gracious enough to not veto your next playoff appearance.
ReplyDeleteYeah I guess that's what you get when a White Sox fan stupidly bookmarks a Twins blog as "Chris's Favorite Blog"... why did you do that anyways...? Silly.
ReplyDeletep.s. I hate you.
You can thank your Scruffy Rube for marking the blog. I was content ignoring your rag-tag bunch of misfits, and shunning your blog. I was kind enough to lend the man a computer for his entertainment and enlightenment purposes and he repays me for this by infecting my favorites list with this abomination filled with photoshopped pictures of players that I don't know nor care about.
ReplyDelete