In a press release today, the Twins Territory aides and assistants to Grand High Omnipowerful Ultra-Awesome Chariman Mauer denied villainous reports of his failing health
"Let us closely follow Chairman Mauer through all storms and tribulations that ever trouble, for he is the son of our hearts and the glorious leader of our nation!

Yankee imperialist swine shall never conquer the loyal citizens of Twins Territory for our illustrious premier shall not all out. Through him all things are possible and without him no things are possible.

It is contemptible and damnable vilification that assumes our triumphant lord could ever feel pain, or be felled by something as infinitesimal as a sacroiliac joint. The sacroiliac joint is in fact a ploy of the vile and evil Yankee propaganda machine to instill doubt. But the Twins Territory will never doubt the magnificent truth and redoubtable power of our noble sovereign. All glory to Chairman Mauer! Ever onward with the Revolution!!"

See, everything's going to be okay.


  1. I have to commend you on your wonderful post. I actually don't care too much about the health, nor had I heard anything, but any post rich with historical allusion warms my heart.

  2. we're both going to jail now, you realize that.