March Madness

While Stinky revels in the sun of Florida, those of us who cannot wing our way southward are left to imagine what our favorite baseball analysis round table would make of the continued competitions of March.

Here now with their trenchant perceptions: Sergeant Gardy's Lonely Hits Club Band.

Harrison: Welcome, once again to Sergeant Gardy's Lonely Hits Club Band, the only fictional baseball analysis show that combines the magic of the Beatles with the power of the Twins. I am Brendan Harrison and I am joined again by Denard Spannon, Carlos Ringomez, and Justin McNeau.

All: Hi.

Spannon: Nice hat

Harrison: Thank you. Gentlemen, March is particularly mad this year with the combination of both the World Baseball Classic and the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament. Which of these two sporting events is most worthy of watching

All: Baseball.

McNeau: Seriously, that's a great hat Brendan.

Harrison: Well...uh...I guess this is going to be a short post unless any of you feel like expanding on that point.

Spannon: The Men's Basketball Tournament encourages class warfare. State schools and larger institutions are given free license to believe that their school is infinitely superior to smaller more intelletual centers of academia, merely because they have managed to put a round ball in a round hole more often than others.

McNeau: I don't know about that. But I do know that it's far more fun to watch the Netherlands fight for survival against Venezuela than it is to watch Cal State Northridge lose by 40 to Connecticut. And though, yes, there are some upsets, there are far more often situations where unsavory teams knock out the plucky and the scrappy. I mean...look at Memphis. Their coach begs guys to spend one year on campus beating the snot out of feeble opponents like UAB and Houston, then lets them leave without a degree and goes back to begging more guys to come to campus for one year to beat the snot out of feeble opponents. It's like watching the Yankees hiring and re-hiring A-Rod to beat St. Alousius' School for Bedraggled Orphans.

Ringomez: Give me that hat!! [Ringomez dives for Harrison's ultra cool pirate hat, but is restrained by a team of Navy Seals and Nuns]

Harrison: I'm impressed by this attitude, particularly since Justin and Canada got beaten by Italy.

McNeau: That just proves my point, never doubt that a group of dedicated individuals can change the world, because it's the only thing that ever has.

Spannon: Even if that group of individuals is comprised mostly of guys who know more about Inter-Milan than Inter-League Play.

McNeau: ...Yes...even if that is true. This is the beauty of baseball, the improbable remains possible and anyone can win.

Ringomez: Heehee...Italy sucks! But you sucked more!!

McNeau: At least my country didn't get beaten by a bunch of Gouda-Munching, Clog-Dancers!

Ringomez: It's on Canucky-Wucky!! [Again Navy Seals and Nuns are required to restrain Ringomez]

Harrison: Gentlemen, gentlemen please. It's not Carlos fault that the Dutch beat the Dominican, and it's actually kind of cool that our friend Bert Blyleven helped the afore mentioned Gouda-Munching Clog Dancers win. Nor is it Justin's fault that Canada lost to Italy, he played very well, and Ze Ubermensch struck out many batters, they just couldn't beat Nick Punto. And besides I think we can all agree that the coolest thing is that Cuban guy who hit a homerun through a passing van in Mexico City.

All: Yeah.

Harrison: So in summation gentlemen, do you have any predictions for the rest of the WBC?

Spannon: Only two can survive between Cuba, Korea and Japan, and I'll put my money on Cuba and Japan again.

McNeau: The Dutch won't last more than two games in Miami, but the US will make the semi-finals.

Ringomez: GO-GO says GO-GO-GO-GOPHERS!!!!

Harrison: And I'll predict that Carlos will try and steal my hat again before the day is out. Until next time, I'm Brendan Harrison, and for all of us in Sergeant Gardy's Lonely Hits Club Band...AHHH CARLOS GET OFF OF ME!!! 

[The lights dim as the struggle for the hat continues]