6.25.2013

Wha' Happened #9: (v.s. Chicago, @ Cleveland)

Game 69
Twins 7 - White Sox 5
The Twins do not care for power hitting. It hurts the feelings of our opponents after all, and we can't have that.

But we're willing to make an exception for the White Sox.
Mauer the Great and Powerful

Said Chairman Joe Mauer of his two-run homer: "Ya know...all things are possible through the will of the Twinnesotan Proletariat and ya know umm....My power will continue to make Twinnesota the greatest, strongest most powerful nation the world has ummm...ya know...ever known."

Ryan Doumit's game winning double was slammed to left center over the sounds of sweet smooth jazz and a beautiful sunset.

Game 70
Twins 7- White Sox 4

At the ball park for the second time in as many weeks, we were a little nervous when we saw Chris Sale on the hill. Stinky's dad in particular kept muttering: "this isn't good", "Sale's tough", "he's been pitching really well" and sure enough--despite a bouncing ball that ticked Brian Dozier and a double given up to Ryan Doumit--Sale recorded four quick strike outs. Then Oswaldo Arcia, our very own Blizzard of Oz delivered a hex upon Chris Sale, blasting him with a spell/line drive up the middle.

Brian-dozer, not sold in stores
Suddenly Sale was shaken and beatable, never more so than when he faced that most intimidating of all Twins hitters: Brian Dozier. A cookie of a pitch later and the BrianDozer knocked Sale's hopes of success to the ground with a three run homer.

Somewhere a child's toy box shouted with glee as the tonka truck and wizard doll triumphed.

Ballpark Food Haiku: Cheese Curds/Sundae Cone
Gnawing on rubber
Heat lamps freeze the soul of taste
Icy sanctuary

Game 71
Twins 8 - White Sox 4 
Invigorated by the previous night's offensive outburst the young "rough-and-tumble" Twins hitters decided they wanted to do it again in the sunshine.

"PLEASE!" whined Oswaldo Arcia "PRETTY PRETTY PLEEEEEEEASE let us hit some homers Gardy!!"

"It's such a pretty day! There's lots of people there to catch them! We won't break anything we promise!!" said Eduardo Escobar.

"Indubitably, old bean!" announced Cletington Aberforth Thomas VIII, "it will be a veritable potpurri of hitting genius!"

Gardy looked uncertain, then came Brian Dozier, wailing through sobs "I...just..want...to...keep...smashing...stuff...DOOOOOWWN!!!"

With a grumble and a spit, Gardy finally allowed "Alright, you can do it...but just because it's the White Sox"

Game 72
Indians 5 - Twins 1
Fun fact! In literature there's something called: "the pathetic fallacy" in which the protagonists mood is reflected by the weather outside.

Ex. Her tears streaked down her face just as the rain streaked the window outside

Twins example: The hurricane force winds blew through the Twin Cities as the Twins blew any chance they might have had for a comeback in the 7th inning.

Game 73
Indians 8 - Twins 7
Battling a balky knee and a bitter slump, Josh Willingham, our local non-unionized Thor equivalent. Knew the one and only thing that would cheer up a Twins team gobsmacked by PJ Walters' first inning, six-run debacle.

"By the power of Mjolnar, and all that is pure and just in this world, I say that we shall unleash the THUNDER UPON THESE FOOLISH MORTALS!!"

Thunder cracked. Lightning flashed. And the universe seemingly split around all of Minnesota.

Then Chris Parmelee muttered, "Umm...Josh...we're in Cleveland...unleashing thunder in Minnesota doesn't help us at all..."

"Oh," said Willingham. "Well, I'm out of ideas then..."

Game 74
Oh ma cherie Sota,
open your heart to Livan...
Twins 5 - Indians 3
Pedro Hernandez returned to the Twins rotation and, despite frequently missing the strike zone he found a way to pitch effectively for five plus innings and give the team a chance to get a much needed win.

Somewhere in the world another former-Twins pitcher who frequently missed the strike zone, but managed to pitch quasi-effectively never the less felt at peace with the universe...as though his one true love was remembering him through the sands of time, and it brought a tear of sweet relief to his heart.

"'Sota...I love you Sota...I hope dat Pedro is as lovin' to you as you deserve...but know that I will alway be here to lovin' you as well..."

(You may tear up as needed)

Mr. Peanut of the Week: Casey Fein (establishing himself as very solid middle reliever)
Nutty Buddy of the Week: Josh Willingham (clearly feeling hurt...get well soon Joshua)

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