Know Thine Enemy '09: The Oakland A's

(Stinky is working on an excellent post, until she puts it up, here's this year's final Enemies blog)

Reasons we should dig the rancid blackened hearts of the Oakland Atheltics out with a rusty ice cream scoop:

1. Backwards ass lucky punks: The worst losses of the year have always seemed to involve Oakland. How have the A's bested us this year? LUCK. Blind, simple, clueless, DOOODAH LUCK!!!! Random happenstances, complete fluke pitches, blown calls at the plate--they haven't done this to anyone else mind you...just us. To hell with them, no mercy, none! *55 Loathing Points*
2. Miserly skinflints and Media Darlings: The A's are supposedly going to be made into a movie, because, after all, they win on a small budget! (Only....they don't....because we've kicked their butts in overall record for the last three years and gotten zip credit for it) The A's don't spend much money, they don't necessarily spend much money well, but when they do they get book deals and movies--while we get oblivious looks and mispronounced names on Sports Center. POO ON YOU OAKLAND!! *68 Loathing Points*
3. Empty: here's an interesting fact. When the A's lose, no one turns up to their games...when we lose we still pack them in. Hmm...which fan base is more loyal, and thus more deserving of reward? {HINT: It stars with an "M" and ends with an "innesota Twins"} *19 Loathing Points*
4. Steroids: Oh yeah, and when the A's were doing really really well...did that have anything to do with the fact that the leading steroid lab in the country was in their own backyard and used by many of their own players....hmmm...I wonder....*72 Loathing Points*

Reasons we should dig out the rancid blackened hearts of the Oakland A's through anesthetized procedures in a cleanly hospital.

1. Nobody gives it to you: Say what you will about them, they don't quit, which is kind of admirable for a team that has absolutely no chance of ever winning this year. Good on 'em, but why can't they do that in Detroit and Chicago? *-57 Loathing Points*
2. The Law: If we did all the horrible terrible no good very bad things that I would like to do to the A's...we would surely be put in jail, where it's hard to win any baseball games at all. *-65 Loathing Points*

Okay, I'm just going to say this--I don't care about the post season any more, I'm not worried about awards or batting title races--I just want to beat the snot out of the A's ONE TIME this year, just ONE TIME and I will call this season a success, 9 to 0, 16 to 1, 22 to -3 whatever.

Final Loathe-O-Meter Rating: 92 Loathing Points

(+63 Loathing Points from Last Year)

Punishment: Clean up undergraduate vomit in Bowling Green Ohio for an entire weekend.