‘Twas the night before New Year’s and in all the dome
Just one creature was stirring, but it wasn’t the gnome
Nor Gogo, nor Lexi, nor ol’ Brian Bass
Nor Mauer, nor Justin, nor his award winning ass.
‘Twas Delmon Lou Who, his vision all fuzzy
toddling ‘round in his snug little onesie.
He just couldn’t sleep with the rumors so many
Talk of his failings and Jim Souhan’s envy.
He shuffled from whirlpool to the buffet
But each single step increased his dismay
“I don’t wanna go!” he whined with great fury
But the things that we need have forced me to worry
A third baseman with pop and relievers aplenty
But I may have to leave to get either or ANY!”
“I’m not scrappy like Carlos, or sweet like Cuddy,
I don’t have Span’s arm, or Kubel’s goatee.
Teams want a good hitter, and I could be one
But other teams suck, I wanna have fun!”
“I wanna play somewhere there’s always some action,
Some jokes and some laughs and lots of Supraction!
And you wanna know why? I’ll tell you the reason!
I mastered this art in just one little season!”
“I suprise! I distract! I get the job done!
When you want to win in wildly weird way, why...I’m number one!
So how can I stay here and not have to go?
Won’t someone out there, just let me know?”
So Delmon LouWho sat down in his locker
His head hanging down, and then came the shocker.
“I’ll tell you how,” came a voice from the cool
and out of the shadows stepped Muddy Ruel.
“Who are you?” Asked Delmon in a tone most incredulous
“And why to your words, should I acquiesce?”
“Huh?” stammered Muddy in utter confusion
“stop using big words or you’ll get a contusion.”
“My name’s Muddy Ruel, and I used to play
For this organization back in the day.
We played in D.C., but that doesn’t matter
Senator or Twin, the former’s the latter.
“I’m here to help you remain part of our cast
Because I’ve become The Ghost of Twins’ Past
I’ll explain through a story of one year in our lore
The glorious year Nineteen Twenty-Four.
“I was a catcher, and I did what I could
to help our team win, like any man should.
But the Senators, well, they couldn’t quite hit,
or field, or win...they just played like [Radio Edit]
“But man could they pitch, oh boy what a sight!
They could strike out the side at day or at night.
With Mogridge and Zachary and their truly big gun,
No, not Firpo Mayberry, but Walter Johnson.
“You’ve never seen anyone sling it as fast,
His arm looked just like a fly fishing cast
It swooped and it swiveled, it zigged and it zagged
It quickled and frickled and raggeldyragged
“When Walter pitched for us the team was a force,
But every team needs something extra, of course.
A well timed jolt, to give us some traction,
A little thing we liked to call...............Supraction!”
“When we made the World Series, for the first time in history
Just how we would win, remained a big mystery.
To make matters worse, Walter, he struggled,
he lost both his starts, and our chances were muddled.
“We got to game seven, back in D.C.
But we only had one run, the Giants had three.
Then Walter came in and, with his arm, saved the day
We got the scored tied and went on with play
“Through the ninth and the tenth and eleventh we went
And on to the twelfth, which seemed heaven sent.
They dropped my foul pop, so I ripped a double,
Walter reached on an error and then they had trouble.
“As you can tell, I’m not that athletic.
It’s not my fault, it’s purely genetic.
So to score from second I needed some help
And it came from Earl MacNeely, a rascally whelp.
“He hadn’t played much in the course of the year
The Giants thought they had no cause to fear.
Earl hit a week squib down the third base line
And while Fred Lindstrom closed in, the moment was mine.
“I raced for third and as I sped there
The bouncing ball rose up in the air
So I kicked my leg high and with my big toe
I poked that weak squib off a divot, you know.
“It took a wild hop, and Lindstrom was lost
His error was huge, and oh, what a cost!
If you don’t have the ball, you can’t make a throw
And since there’s no throw, homeward, I’d go.
I dashed ‘cross the plate and thus we had won
for the first time since ever: Washington: #1!!”
“I don’t understand.” Said Del, rather snitty.
“How will this help me stay in the Cities?
Why did you tell me this and take up my time
Worse still, why did you have to do it in rhyme?”
“The point, dear Delmon, is simple my friend.
You’re part of the journey, not just the end.
You’ve got to remember you’re part of a story,
A win for you, brings all of us glory.
“Respect the city, the state and the fans,
Then the cheers will rain down from all over the stands.
Honor your teammates from starters to subs
Help out your pitchers, ya’ understand bub?
And always remember that though you are strong
Some of us were here before you came along.
“Before Opie came Earl, and before Joe there was me
Before Francisco and Blackburn, there was Walter, you see?
Be one of us Delmon, be part of the team
Supract them with rhymes, and your talent will gleam.
With a smile and a wink, Muddy stood up to go
Delmon looked tired, but now he did know
He knew why we all come to watch and be loud.
He knew how to play and make the team proud
We cheer/play for the Twins not because it’s in fashion,
We cheer/play for the Twins because it’s our passion.
As he walked into shadow, Muddy turned and he said
“It’s been a big day now trot off to bed,
and what ever you do, don’t ever forget...
SUPRACTION SUCKA!!” *Poof...there he went*