"We have to go back....to the Metrodome!!!"

Nope. Still really nothing going on. The hot stove is really more like a mildly warm stove that I would not be at all afraid to touch. We have two more years of Kubel, which also means two more years of tellling my buddy John how much he looks like Kubel. There may or may not be a few other trades that we may or may not be interested in making. I'm actually relieved by GM Smith (the anti-Pickup Artist)'s assertion that he is not willing to tear apart a good team for the sake of filling a certain position. Atta boy, Smith. Love only gets you down in the end.

All that aside, there may be nothing going on in the offseason, but oh boy is there PLENTY going on on network TV! I am of course referring to the pinnacle of all things that are awesome - LOST. Yes, the season premiere is tonight. No I will not be watching it because I have no TV. Luckily, I have a kind and wonderful friend (who also happens to write for this blog) who is willing to DVR said awesomeness and watch it with me on Friday.

So for now, I am left with only my imagination. Tonight, my imagionation has led me to think, what if LOST were re-cast with Twins players? Let's think on this for a moment.

1) This guy just wants to make everything OK. He wants so badly to be the hero and save the day, but sadly he can't always make it happen. He's a little impulsive. He has a bit of a temper. Sometimes in drastic situations he does things like swing at a ball 2 feet outside the strike zone or try to remove his own appendix. Delmon Young? Or Jack Shepherd? You be the judge.

2) What every show really needs is a rebel with a heart of gold. Somone who dominates his enemies with his smooth talking and sultry eyes, and who has an uncanny ability to close the deal. But you can tell there is kindness in his soul, behind the fire and the sarcasm and the bajillion mph fastballs. Joe Nathan...or Sawyer?

3) You also have the strong, silent type. He likes to fix things, like sticky situations at the plate or radios that have been looping crazy french women's voices for 16 years. He can knock you on your ass in 5 seconds flat. He used to be a torturer, but it aint no thang. Denard Span, meet Sayid.

4) And we also need a fearless leader. One who can be our rock through trying times, and who has that certain indefinable wisdom about him. Sure, sometimes he goes a little bananas and throws or kicks things, or can't find what he is looking for, but in the end you know that he is still the coolest thing ever to walk this planet. Obviously I am talking about John Locke...and there are only two things on this earth as cool as John Locke. One of these is velociraptors. The other is obviously Ron Gardenhire.

5) Now, enter the villains. This particular baddy is the evilest of the evil....and we're not talking good evil, like slipping a roofie to a certain first basemen or taking over the world...we're talking sneaky, dispicable evil. Crocs-wearing evil. We're talking about Ben Linus. And as dastardly and cunning as Ben is, the only one who can really compare to him is that famous Yankpire, A-Rod.

6) It wreaks havoc everywhere it goes, blindly destroying anything and everything in its path. It is Jim Thome...or the smoke monster.

7) And then, there's people we just don't really care about. They're pretty and the ladies like them but they just don't add that much. They get thrown out a lot at first base or die in planes that fall out of trees. These people are sometimes named Boone, or Derek Jeter.

Well sadly it's getting close to my bedtime.
I hope you enjoyed this journey through Lost and Baseball. Please enjoy the season premiere, and also enjoy Twinsfest this weekend! I might try to go purely so I can get my photo taken with Gardy. Happy Twins-ing!

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