Paging Mr. Blyleven

On Monday, the Baseball Hall of Fame will announce its class of 2009, honoring the best of the best. Or rather, honoring some of the best of the best.

The Baseball Writers Association of America seems as likely to vote for "Lizard People" as for true legends as they cast ballots for Cooperstown. Who they vote for and who they don't depends on...well...no one really knows. When the time came for baseball writers to determine whether or not Satchel Paige, one of the all time greatest pitchers in the history of America, was worthy of enshrinement...one man voted yes, 225 voted no. And for all the talk about how if you hit 500 home runs you are a guaranteed Hall-of-Famer, two men hit five hundred home runs and then sat around for five years waiting to get invited to the party. {Though, to be fair, Eddie Mathews never chips in to the pizza fund, and Harmon Killebrew always brings potato salad and pouts if no one eats it.}

So perhaps it's not surprising that Bert Blyleven, a man with more strikeouts than anyone not in the Hall of Fame, a man with more complete games than anyone not in the Hall of Fame, a man with more wins than almost anyone not in the Hall of Fame, a man with the greatest facial hair not in the Hall of Fame, is not in the Hall of Fame. It might not be surprising, but it begs the question: Why?

Is it the fact that he was born in the Netherlands? The fact that his Hall of Fame plaque would actually read: Rik Aalbert Blyleven and therefore be the weirdest Hall of Fame plaque since the immortal Nestor Chylak? The fact that he is such an inveterate doofus that he makes Ashton Kutcher look erudite?  Look at this man, doesn't this picture scream Hall of Famer to you?

Whatever the case, we here at Peanuts from Heaven Inc. refuse to let Mr. Blyleven's accomplishments go unnoticed by a Hall of Fame any longer. Therefore we are proud to induct Rik Aalbert Blyleven as the first member of the Peanuts from Heaven Hall of Fame: honoring greatness in the fields of baseball, silliness and baseball related silliness. (Because, after all, we are so doofy we make Paris Hilton look like a Nobel Prize winner)

Here's to you Mr. Blyleven. Welcome, to our Hall of Fame.