After all, the Twins have inspired many creative/inventive characters on this blog: Grizzled Prospector Mike Lamb, Master Librarian R. A. Dickey, Dread Pirate Joe Nathan, Chairman Joe Mauer, Carlos Gomez (who still seems like a figment of our imagination), and of course the Nefarious Dr. Cakeburn. The Yankees view such shenanigans as unbefitting to their hoity toity status as "the winningest baseball team ever" but really they're afraid that the truth will get out.
Consider the woman pictured at left. She discovered the truth, and then vanished...why? Because she discovered the horrible secret, the horrible secret revealed below.
Girl: "There's something odd about you and your friends"
Boy: "...think so?"
Girl: "You all hit the ball harder than any other team."
Girl: "You run faster than any other team."
Girl: "Your stadium is littered with free agent corpses."
Boy: "So what?"
Girl: "Are you a..."
Boy: "Say it...say what you know to be true!"
Girl: "A Yankee?!?"
Boy: "Not just a yankee, a yankee vampire!"
Boy: "A Yankee vampire with endorsement contracts!"
Boy: "A Yankee vampire who sparkles in the sun! BEHOLD MY ROBERT PATTISON BRAND BODY GLITTER!!!"
Friends don't let friends sit in meadows with Yankpires.
God Speed Twins, we're sure that you will probably blow up in a fiery hellstorm of bats, balls, and CC Sabathia's cheeseburgers. Anything better than that and we'll be happy.
And in case you need something to cheer you up here's Orlando Hudson on, among other things: Delmon and Nick's special relationship, Cuddyer's butt, the Lifetime Movie Network and why Kevin Slowey isn't as cool as him.