Yesterday we reported that the madman who guides the Chicago White Stockings through their diabolical baseball deeds had been foiled in his scheme to control the weather. BUT! we neglected to mention that there are other dastardly White Stockings. They might not be as obvious about it, but believe you me...they are precisely that evil.
Take the White Sox leadoff hitter, sure he seems like any other left-fielder/lead-off hitter/aging ballplayer, but just look at that name, Juan Pierre? I don't know about you but when I see a guy named Pierre in white and black...I can think of only one thing...one diabolical and sinister thing and it was that thing that I will blame for yesterday's loss.
Don't believe me? Think I'm rabble rousing to denounce mimes just because I find them creepy!? Au contraire mes amis. I know that Monseuir Pierre of the Les Chausettes Blanche, has already startled the Twins with his Mimery. It seemed that every fly ball hit his way looked like it might land. They certainly brought me to my feet and made me and those around me hopeful that they might, just might land in. After all...he seemed to be having so much trouble fielding: constantly running into the wind, occasionally being trapped inside an invisible box, and yet the catch was made. We should have won, but we just couldn't outwit the mime.
Join me in my petition to ban Mimes in the Twin Cities. Together we can end the scourge of street performers who distract and surprise us leading to defeat for our team, and guilting us into spending money on the arts. I dream of a Mime free Minneapolis! A place where children enjoy balloon animals,and jazz musicians play with pride but where no one NO ONE has to endure the japes and gambols of Juan Pierre in his Chausettes Blanche. Dare to dream my friends.