So much baseball! A return to Caption Action

I'm hoping that Stinky will be able to blog about the awesomeness that was our one and only night at the ballpark together this summer, which occured on Saturday, but as we went to a movie Friday and since I was on the road all-day Sunday (and therefore didn't see much of either other game) I can only think of one way to justly capture our series with the A's--taking AP images and offering snarky captions to summarize the events that occured.

Game 1: Friday

Danny Valencia scores on a suicide squeeze. Random dude in the stands does the YMCA all by himself!

Twins 4--A's 3

Game 2: Saturday

3rd Base Umpire Adrian Johnson: "I don't care what ESPN says, I'm right and you're wrong"

A's Manager Bob Geren: "Nu-uh!"

Adrian Johnson: "Yeah-huh"

Bob Geren: "Nu-uh"

Adrian Johnson: "Yeah-huh!"

Denard Span [thinking]: "Wow that is a fascinating 3rd baseman's glove"

Stinky and Scruffy: "Pssh! Gardy would have gotten ejected by now! SHOW THIS AMATEUR HOW IT'S DONE GARDY!!!"

Twins 2--A's 0

Game 3: Sunday

Slowey: "It would be cool to throw a no-hitter, but if I did there would be all kinds of dumb headlines like: "Slo-Slo's No-No" or "sNOwey" or "Slno-lno". For the good of grammatical logic everywhere, I will not complete this game."

Twins 4--A's 2

SWEEP! (w/Pictures)

At last the 9 game string of MLB.tv Blackouts has been broken and tonight I will be able to watch the Twins play the Orioles.

Game 1 Monday:

Justin: WOO!

Cuddy: WOO! WOO!!

Thome: [Smoke Monster Noises]

Gerald Laird: Why can't I be in the in crowd, frowny face.

Justin: Dude, if you want to be cool, don't announce your emoticons.

Twins 10-Tigers 3

Game 2 Tuesday:

Well that's the last time I bake cookies for these jerkwads.

OH MY GOD! NICKY P. CAN LIFT SOMEONE!!!!!!

Twins 4-Tigers 3

Game 3 Wednesday:

Psssh...My ninja skills are wasted on you.

Twins 5-Tigers 4

Series in a Nutshell

No, seriously Justin, if you're going to sweep you've got to lower your center of gravity. Maybe try shrinking a foot and a half...it works for me.

Dratted Blackouts--another edition of Caption Action

It's nice having MLB.tv, it would be nicer if I didn't live in a region that's 33% Tigers fans, 33% Indians fans and 33% Cincinnati Communist Sympathizers Fans (at least according to mlb.tv's blackout restriction policies).

However, the AP is always willing to oblige with pretty pictures, then I just fill in the captions as best seems to fit my mind--even if it is patently false.

Game 1: Friday

You know, I'm doing these laps so often now I might try to come up with a solid playlist to listen to as I run 'round the bases.

O-Dog: "Uhhh...Hi..."

Cabrera: "Hello..."

O-Dog: "Uhhh...can I get up now?"

Cabrera: "Oh, sorry I just got lost in your eyes."

O-Dog: "Yeah...that can happen...but how 'bout you just get lost instead."

Twins 9--Indians 3

Game 2: Saturday

"YEAH! NEVER FORGET THIS NAME MINNESOTA!!! IT WILL HAUNT YOU FOREVER!!"

Twins 4--Indians 5

Game 3: Sunday

I remember when Livan had a pig buried under the mound...I wonder if I'll have time to dig it up between strike outs?

"Umm...seriously, I thought you guys said this was going to be hard?"

Twins 8--Indians 3

SERIES IN A NUTSHELL

Whenever possible, employ the buddy system while running the bases. Not only can it help you score more runs, it also prevents your bajillion dollar catcher from hurting his heel.

How do you write about a 12 inning game? Caption Action!

While we were able to catch most of this weekends series in Kansas City, the impending doom that is the push to Finals has rendered those creative sectors of our brains to resemble nothing so much as applesauce...see I can't even come up with a good simile for what our brains look like...it's that bad.

So let's let the pictures do the talking, shall we?

Game 1: Friday

You know what Scotty? Just keep your arm up throughout the season...we'll be high-fiving frequently, this year.

Twins 8-Royals 3

Game 2: Saturday

"You may be winning these games...but believe me, you don't mess, with DeJesus."

Justin: "It's so much fun to stay up late, let's NEVER GO TO BED!!"

Joe: "Or let's win the game and then go to bed..."

Justin: "Either way!"

Twins 9-Royals 7

Game 3: Sunday

Slowey: "I don't know what's wrong skip."

Gardy: "Let's take a looksey here...yup...cuticle's too long"

Joe: "I keep a spare clipper taped underneath my helmet"

Gardy: "Nah...it's just Kansas City...what's the worst that could happen?"

Brendan Harris: "AAAAAAAAACK!!!! It's Joakim Soria a man so mean that he mows us down like helpless daisies! AIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"

"I can almost taste those delicious daisies! I WILL DESTROY ALL FLOWERS AND BEAUTY IN THE WORLD!!!"

Twins 3-Royals 4

Series in a Nutshell

Kubel: "WOO! Another series win! Let's keep on rockin' in the free world!"

O-Dog: "Agreed...but, the free world's bigger than Kansas City...and cooler...so let's get the hell out of here."

More Apologizing/Caption Action

I've been criticized before for apologizing to much and I'm really sorry if it annoys you BUT I'm going to do it some more.

You see, Stinky and I did not realize that graduate school had these things called: "ho-mwu-rk" I think I'm pronouncing that correctly, but there may be an umlaut in there somewhere. Anyway, when it all builds up, you have to spend many many hours dealing with it, which cuts into one's Twins watching time, which makes for sad bloggers, mad bloggers and quiet bloggers. That is why we are not posting much these days...hopefully all will be well eventually, and until then, I'm sorry.

HOWEVER! This should not distract from the glory that was the opening of Target Field! Nor from the fact that both Scruffy's Mother (The Knitting Queen), Stinky and Stinky's Father managed to attend games during the opening set. It was also against the Boston Red Sox which gave us the opportunity to razz our California friend (and one of our most frequent readers) Sparky! But rather than detail stat after stat after stat let's just go to the picture-by-picture replay in a potentially new feature called: Caption Action.

Game 1:

New Park, Same Universal Truths: Running = Stupid

Twins 5-Red Sox 2

Game 2:

Pedroia [to Mauer while crossing home plate]: Call me the Destroyah!

Mauer: No, I don't think I will

Pedroia: C'mon it rhymes with Pedroia when you say it with a Boston accent

Mauer: So does "Bok Choy-ya", You're 5'9", I could literally floss with you...you are not a Destroyer, if we're playing Battleship, you're a submarine, a submarine nicknamed "Bok-Choy-ya"

Drizzle Shmizzle...besides we get to see Delmon and Justin in a batting stance duel "Vwwwing Vwwwing Vwwwing!!!"

Red Sox 6-Twins 3

Game 3:

"But I don't wanna be struck out!!! I start on the all-star team (because Red Sox fans without lives stay up all night voting for me)!!! I was referenced in Moneyball! I HAVE A GOATEE!!!! Slider's aren't fair!!! You're not fair you poop...poop...poopy!!!"

Twins 8-Red Sox 0

Series in a nutshell:

Span & Cuddy: HIGH-FIVE FOR AWESOMENESS!!

O-Dog: Hey look...I can do a sun salutation to the actual sun! Minnesota really IS awesome!