Oh Twins, my Twins...I'm so so so so soooooooo sorry

I have finally landed back in the United States and I turn on my computer to actually browse the internet leisurely for the first time in 36 days and what do I see...our once mighty lead and sterling record have....oh, what's the word...Exploded-into-a-bajillion-pieces! That's one word isn't it?

Now I'm sure that those of you who have actually, you know, watched the games have your own theories as to why this is, from what I can glean the hitting has been feeble and the pitching has been suspect and while I'm sure that playing the game bears a large effect on how many games you win, I'm also sure that the largest effect on the Twins performance is me.

Witness: 2007 (when I was in India)--no playoffs
2008 (when I returned from India)--surge into a tie for 1st place
2009 (here all year long)--Win the division
2010 (When I was gone for all of June)--Great...until the month of June.

I'm not saying I'm the greatest human being EVER...just the most important. But clearly our recent "June Swoon" is directly attributable to my being in west Africa throughout the month.
This is no one's fault but my own. I take full responsibility.

I beg of the Twins organization to return to their winning ways just as I have returned to the country. Pitchers can once again pound the zone. Hitters can go back to crushing the enemy. Gardy can continue being adorable when he's angry. As penance for my transgression I will say 20 "Hail Mauers" and eat as much crow as can be concealed in old dome dog wrappers. I promise, it won't every happen again, please Twins? Forgive me?

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