Bahhh Texas...

This was our joint reaction last night at seeing the final score. In the spirit of that frustration we offer the following enumeration of a few things from Texas that make us go "Bahhh":

1) The Rangers: Hey, I was magnanimous yesterday, what's the deal guys? You guys lost to the Orioles...we beat the Orioles...ergo...[sigh] some people have no respect for logic.

2) Belt Buckles in the Shape of Your State: C'mon. Really? Maybe it's that I'm from Montana, a state as folksy and rugged as Texas only without all the ego, but honestly do you really need to prove your citizenship by wearing this? We get it your proud, if you wear feather boas with little Texas's on them, then I'll be impressed by your patriotic accessorizing.

3) Texas Toast: It's thick slices of bread. I can bake some and cut it thick. Look! it's Scruffy Toast! Please give me credit for culinary ingenuity.

4) Texas Hold 'Em: The "cool" poker game. Pssh! Just cause George Costanza plays your brand of cards doesn't make you better than the rest of us!

Sorry, I know that Texas is probably a nice place, filled with kind-hearted, down-to-earth folk, but Bahhh! Texas*. (If you have any BAHHH Texas moments, feel free to share them in the comments below.)

Now, despite our frequent antipathy towards the Lone Star State, we do have to give credit to tonight's starting pitcher C.J. Wilson. Southpaw. Ace. LOST nerd. Hard to root against him...but we'll try.

*Ed note: Thinking about this a little more, I want to make it clear that I don't dislike or disdain Texas, it's just that I can't fathom our cultural differences: like New Yorker artistic superiority, Californian weather smugness (I know it's hard to believe, but some peoplelike snow), Montanan isolationism or Minnesotan love of hot dish. Texas just does everything bigger.


  1. 1) BEAUTY QUEENS: Groomed and coached straight from the cradle into career pageant contestants. Texas-size hair and Texas-size implants.
    2) TEXAS SECEDE: They want to be an independent republic. ( I say, "Go for it!")
    3) LIVE & DIE FOOTBALL: What do they know about the finer game of baseball anyway?


  2. Thinking about it more: