***
Fox spent a good deal of time discussing Rocco Baldelli, once the Rays greatest player, then a man crippled by injuries and a vague mitochondrial abnormality. Baldelli still hits reasonably well but can't play defense nearly as well as he once did. But Fox is discussing the post-injury training behavior. Saying proudly: "He has mastered the art of swallowing a handful of pills at a time."
Is it just me, or does that laudatory comment, tacitly endorse ingesting gobs of painkillers?{Probably not, but I don't like Fox...so, for the sake of humor, let's say they did}
***
Oh, joy! Tim McCarver and Joe Buck [aka Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumbass] can finally examine an umpire's call in excruciating detail, pointing out the foolishness of calling a strike, then appealing to first base, then reversing the call, and then destroying the very fabric of our society.
Sadly, the ump was wrong, and did make a bad call...but I'm afraid I'm not mature enough to say: "Tim and Joe were r----; were righ-" see, I even vomit in my mouth when I write it.
***
Tweedle Dumbass is now promising us an honest review of "24" if we just tune in to game 3.
Wait a second...you're using a promotion of another program, to promote the program which will do the promoting?!?
In that spirit I hope you all read Kristina's next post, and then, my next post, in which I will give you an exclusive review of Kristina's post.
***
Jason Bartlett just got an RBI on a bunt to make it 4 to 0. And somewhere a pirannaha is gnashing its teeth in joy.
***
Wow, good play by Baldelli, doubling off the runner one a liner with one out. Clearly "mastering the art of swallowing a handful of pills," can make one a better ball player. Maybe more players should swallow handfuls of pills?
***
Why is it that annoying promotional gimmicks turn up in the World Series? Rally Monkeys. Thunder Stix. Now the cowbell, the ubiquitous trinket every Tampan/Saint Petersberghian clutches and shakes during rallies. The incessant clatter may officially kill all humor I once found in the phrase: "I've got to have more cowbell." Curse you Tampa/St. Pete!! CURSE YOU!
***
Wow...I haven't said anything about the Phillies. Hmmm...okay, here's something, my older brother once lived with Pat Burrell's cousin. And I'm guessing that both my brother and Pat Burrell's cousin, would be as effective with runners in scoring position as the Phillies have been...which is to say: not at all.
***
Penetrating analysis from Tweedle Dum: "Trailing by four runs in the seventh, ahead in the count 2-0, Jimmy Rollins should take here, and he probably will, but he might not."
Allow me to analyze a little: "Dan Wheeler has just run the count full, so he wants to throw a strike here, but he might not do it, in which case it would be a ball."
PAYCHECK PLEASE!!
***
The English teacher in me takes issue with MLB's legal disclaimer. "This game is broadcast through the authority of the office of the commissioner of baseball." I'm want to circle it in red and write: You're on a Preposition Safari: REVISE!!!
***
Last night my boss asked: "why would any parent ever allow or encourage their 7 year old child to have a blue mohawk?" I told him, "because baseball is awesome and photos of your small child being stupid are great for embarrassment in later years." Just ask my parents about my "Boston Heights Dairy Dudes" Little League Rookie Card. {Or any of my prom dates...if they haven't suppressed the memories through shock therapy.}
***
Another bad call, and the Tweedles might just break down crying. It's basically like having the drunk guys who sit behind you at the game on national TV. "Yurr an eediot. Yah, stupid...I'll kill ya, but I need another one first, ya dirty rotten...OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SONG!!"
***
As the Tweedles foam at the mouth, and dance the night away the Rays have won, tying the series and sending us to the city of brotherly love for games this weekend. And if you've learned anything from reading this post...I'm supremely disappointed in you, and myself.
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