Know Thy Enemy: PLAYOFF EDITION!

In the 12 hours since we were eliminated I've been asked by a lot of people (inside my head movies): "Now that the Twins are eliminated, who should I root for?"

Fortunately we here at Peanuts From Heaven, Inc. can provide guidance to the bewildered Twins' fan. It's easy to cheer for our boys, who we see every day, and occasionally serve steaks to. But it's somewhat harder to cheer for teams that you don't know anything about. So, here now, is a scientific study of which team in the playoffs is the least offensive to Twins fans.

American League

Red Sox (52 Loathing Points)

Angels (56 Loathing Points)

White Sox (91 Loathing Points)

Rays (49 Loathing Points)

Technically, we should want the Red Sox should win one round of the playoffs. But now that the only ex-Twin playing games is Tor-double-"I", forget it. (Plus the Red Sox have a title already...it's good to share.) Wait...AJ's an ex-Twin too, I suppose...in the same way that Lucifer is an ex-angel. The thorn in our side foiled us again last night, but the scrappy pluck of the Rays is too much to ignore. And so, the low man on the totem pole gets our vote in the AL. 

ROOT FOR THE RAYS

NATIONAL LEAGUE

Brewers (16 Loathing Points)

Cubs (32 Loathing Points)

Dodgers (76 Loathing Points)

Phillies (35 Loathing points)

The Dodgers are now trying to be Yankees west, and the combination of Joe Torre's dead eyes, Manny Ramirez's nasty hair, Jeff Kent's ugly-ass mustache, and the fact that I had to watch the Dodgers trade away every quality prospect my home town trained for them means they must suffer. Philadelphia's inability to actually say: 'yeah team' precludes them from being our NL counterpart {Seriously, if the Twin Cities were Philly we'd be egging the Twins' plane as it landed}. While Wrigley is beautiful, perhaps the only thing more annoying than crying Cubs' fans would be smugly superior Cubs' fans. So we've got the Brewers representing the upper midwest, our old foe Captain Cheesburger leading the way...and a team we beat regularly enough to know, that if they win WE WOULD HAVE WON OURSELVES.

ROOT FOR THE BREWERS

So an ideal Minnesota series would be Brewers/Rays. {It would also be the worst possible thing in the world for FOX, which makes it even more preferable.} From there...whoever wins...baseball wins.