A Dragon named St. Rain Edelbow

With Stinky taking an accounting mid-term, I'm back again, but sadly I did not watch much of the baseball this weekend and so will rely on the reports of the Knitting Queen to tell you how things happened.

Friday: "That was real good there!"
Saturday: "They were hitting early, but then Hudson played the hero with a homer"
Sunday: "It was better that you weren't watching."

So we won another series (4 in a row) and all seems to be right with the world as we celebrate our off day, but all is not right, oh no my friends it is not. You see, one of our favorite pitchers, a man of substantial importance, a man of great substance generally (even if much of that substance appears to be jell-o pudding cups): Jose "Pretty Princess" Mijares.

Once upon a time, Pretty Princess Mijares was the fairest and most lovely lass in all of Twins Territory. With long lovely hair, a sharp dangerous slider and a badass attitude befitting a take charge modern day princess, Mijares was the kind of relief pitcher everyone would love to have as their local nobility/left handed bullpen specialist.

But this season has not been kind to Pretty Princess Mijares. First, the royal hair gel led to a delay in leaving the far off kingdom of Venice(zeula), next the princess had a hard time reacclimatizing to life in the bull pen (after all, the dread pirate seemed to have retired to Patagonia, there was a strangely familiar man named "Sir Pat Neshek" and a very scary man with a very scary neck tattoo). And yet, Pretty Princess Mijares was eagerly anticipating the return to Twins territory and the loyal subjects who loved their Pretty Princes, the sharp dangerous slider and the badass attitude.

Unfortunately Pretty Princess Mijares had a hard time concentrating with a looming presence above the bullpen. A scary beast with great scaly wings, and fiery breath of pain, and spiky tail of owies. 'Twas Gardy the friendly/occasionally profane gnome who spotted it and announced: "Uh-oh, its the local dragon".

"Who?" asked the Pretty Princess

"The local dragon of Twin Territory, he hovers above pitchers/princesses in danger and inflicts great owies upon them."

"Oh! I heard of him," said the Pretty Princess, "they say his name is St. Rain Edelbow and all pitchers fear him...but I'm not your stereotypical princess, I'm also a badass princess who carries hair gel onto planes without the federally mandated clear plastic bag, I will fight it and regain my mojo."

"I don't think that's a great idea Princess, I mean, it's a dragon and its name is actually..."

"It's name is St. Rain Edelbow, and that is a silly name for dragons are not saints! Have at ye, poopyhead Dragon Face!"

And so Pretty Princess Mijares sought to fight off the dragon with scaly wings, fiery breath of pain and spiky tail of owies. Pretty Princess Mijares failed. And now Pretty Princess Mijares is on the disabled list.

The moral of the story is this kids: Just because you are cool enough to fight a dragon doesn't mean you actually HAVE to fight a dragon!

No comments:

Post a Comment