Showing posts with label poetry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label poetry. Show all posts

4.17.2016

#ParkBloom: The lost poetics of Byung-Ho's bombs



On perhaps the most beautiful day Minnesotans have seen in 2016, fans of the local ball club were treated to sunshine, cold beer and a dream-like state in which, we we had gone almost 48 whole hours without a loss.

But still there was unrest, muttering and snarls at the young hitters. "NOT A HOME RUN, MAUER!" when the resurgent catcher ripped a screamer up the middle, straight into a second baseman's glove. "SWING THE BAT, BIG BOY!" when Miguel Sano spat on border line pitch after border line pitch. "ARCIA, WHAT ARE YOU EVEN...I JUST...UGH...." they bemoaned and the erstwhile fan favorite.


Somewhere, I like to think that the newest target of fan abuse, Korean slugger Byung-Ho Park, was blissfully unaware of the groans and ignorant remarks about him. ("He don't speak any English," and "Bung-hole" were two particular gems.) I like to think, even though I speak no Korean and have know way of knowing for sure, that there are things he feels that he cannot say, thoughts and ideas lost in translation.

Mercifully, one large thing not lost in translation is this power.

After celebrating with teammates, in the approved, high-fiving, helmet-slapping way, Park was left alone with his thoughts. His pride. The honor of being able to play at the highest level. His new friends and the cheers of the people so far from home.

All too suddenly, the reporters were there to squeeze into strange and foreign words all the personal feelings of the moment. How did he feel about this bomb?...like a gentle zephyr had caught hold of his heart, like he was buoyant, airborne, "the wind is back," he smiled...

...and his interpreter explained "the wind was blowing out."


Korea's Reunification Arch
How did it feel to win again? Of course it felt good, but better than good: "affirming, invigorating, as though the storm clouds of our souls have been broken apart, and the rain drop tears of fans have stopped, and now we make the beautiful music of bat, and ball, and glove and tong-il a unification and coherence of all the team..."

...and his interpreter explained "it feels good, yesterday we broke the losing streak, today it's a two game winning streak. It feels good to hear music again."

The reporters smiled, Park smiled, the translator smiled.

Words may vanish like gossamer in the summer air, but the memories of this home run would last for everyone, and perhaps that's the true poetry.

4.12.2014

Why I'll Always Come Back

Copyright Betsy Bissen
It hasn't been easy being a Twins fan the last few years (though if you're committed enough to the team to find my little corner of the blogosphere, I hardly need tell you that).

It's been even less easy to be a positive Twins blogger, to dedicate time and energy to finding the silver linings in a team that often looks outmatched in almost every facet of the game. My writing life would be easier, and probably more pleasant, if I could just sign off from the blog, let it wither and dry up like the husk of so many other abandoned websites in internet ghost towns, and find something else to occupy my time.

But I keep coming back. I can't seem to stop. No matter how long I go between posts, I keep turning up to write something. Just like I keep turning up at Target Field to see something, anything that resembles baseball.

My father-in-law, the Gouger, had tickets for last night, and I was, as ever, excited to go. But with Mrs. Peanut off in Los Angeles studying to become a yoga teacher, my Parental Units (Mr. No-Ass and The Knitting Queen) in a jet lag stupor after a 40th anniversary trip to Barcelona, my little brother exploiting his fraternity, and my best dude friend on a date, it was just the pair of us. Weaving our way through a packed downtown, we were both grimly aware that the Twins, these Twins, were as likely to provide an evening's entertainment as the stand-up comedy stylings of Joe Mauer. ("Hey, have you ever noticed how things are...you know...things?")

Heading down to Target Field plaza, we saw a mother shepherding a pair of logo-bedecked boys into an elevator. The boys were glowing with excitement, all smiles and bouncing knees. Gouger asked "are the Twins going to win tonight?" The littlest boy replied "YEAH!!" with the kind of absolute certainty that you only hear in children and religious fundamentalists. We could have shaken our heads, or muttered something, but instead we high-fived, and cheered and headed on to the gates.

Tasty

Since we arrived an hour early (preemptive parking before the Wolves and Twins fans descended en masse), I actually had time to peruse the clubhouse store, and all the food offerings I wanted. Part of me always thinks that, as fun as baseball can be, working in baseball (or at least in a baseball stadium) could leave you tired and dismissive. And yet I found myself hearing cheery recommendations from the beer vendor (Day Tripper APA: solid and satisfying after a long week), getting sincere service from the food vendors and sharing jokes and memories with clubhouse store cashiers. Everyone had a smile on their face, everyone seemed excited to see you, and more than willing to pause their work to appreciate a little sunshine and the promise of baseball ahead.

So hopeful...so, very hopeful...
And while the top of the first put me in mind of a long, bumpy road ahead (Pedro Florimon's sudden apathy had something do with that), it was easy to push that aside and appreciate the little things: Jason Kubel chugging as only Jason Kubel can on a triple, Josmil Pinto's big screen photo looking like nothing so much as a forlorn Teddy Bear, Joe Mauer's robotic RBI delivery system and awkward 1st base chatter, Kyle Gibson finishing a fine performance with a strike out and a standing O, Brian Duensing dropping the hammer, Kurt Suzuki joining a long list of players whose early performance pauses any cranky critique I could make.

It was a beautiful night, feeling warm and welcomed, watching a solid game of baseball and finding, five seats down, a likeminded fan in our old pal Betsy Bissen (her photo graces the top of this post...unless she tells me not to use it, in which case, I'll delete this sentence). Seeing her and talking (in person) for the first time in years, I got to hear all about her life as a photographer in the well, her stories about cupcakes and curveballs, pranks and--above all--positivity: why she always stays optimistic about the players, why the only people who drive her nuts are the people who can't stop complaining (and occasionally those who use ipads to take pictures), and why I should keep on keeping on with quirky little photoshops and random observations.

The whole night was a long, joyful reminder of why I come back to baseball and blogging again and again. It's easy to get sucked into my own private world: my house, my Netflix queue, my scotch bottles. But baseball makes sure I remember everyone around me: the little kids abuzz with excitement; the random strangers who have a smile, handshake and piece of advice; the players who become constants in your life; the other writers, photographers and talkers who share in the silliness with me; and the family who are always there.

Gouger said it at the start of the night. There's no where else in sports where you can feel as tied into the community as you do you do at a baseball game. There's no where else I feel like my writing has as much chance to connect with like minded readers and thinkers as in this baseball blog.

It's not easy to be a Twins fan right now. It's not easy to be a Twins writer right now. But no matter how hard it gets, it's worth it, to be tied in to a community of the excited, the kind, the constant, the silly and the family that makes baseball great.

5.23.2012

Le Mort de le Marqius de Marquis

We here at Peanuts from Heaven don't usually advocate for the French (they talk funny and haven't given us much since the Statue of Liberty, the Louisiana Purchase and Fried Potatoes) but we have to say that  perhaps we underestimated the satirical French playwright Moliere whose stinging account of "The Death of the Marquis de Marquis" seems oddly prescient in light of this week's roster move.

We provide the most relevant scene below:

...Bijoux and Pyjama [a pair of young sophisticates recently arrived in a country house to woo the daughters of Ronald le Lutin [the gnome] a wealthy, and crumudgeonly, old man with a large estate] sit in a drawing room debating their situation


Bijoux: Is it just me or is this frightfully easy?
Pyjama: It is indeed old friend. For those with youthful faces and adventurous spirits anything is possible.
Bijoux: I feel as if I could fly above the larks and the jays, indeed, higher even than the angels, such is the love I feel for my dear Minnie.
Pyjama: Though your poetry tastes of bog water, I admire your sentiment, good sir. My love for Sota is such that I would gladly battle with tigers or even wash the socks of the foulest Welsh pig butcher!
Bijoux and Pyjama mid discussion
Bijoux: My god! That is love!
Pyjama: Indeed, there is only one flaw with our situation...
Bijoux: Le Lutin's insistence that we grit and pluck?
Pyjama: No, le Marquis de Marquis
Bijoux: Ah yes, the poor Marquis de Marquis.
Pyjama: He is a fine man...
Bijoux: Indeed, fine as a fine Bordeaux
Pyjama: ..and a wise man...
Bijoux: Indeed, as wise as a sage farmer.
Pyjama: ...but...He does not belong here.
Bijoux: No.
Pyjama: He cannot help Minne or Sota to learn their lessons.
Bijoux: No, no.
Pyjama: He cannot teach Le Lutin to behave like a nobleman.
Bijoux: No, no, no.
Pyjama: He cannot burn with the fire of youth as we do.
Bijoux: No, no, no, no, a thousand times no.
Pyjama: What is there to do, Bijoux?
Bijoux: Perhaps we could play a joke on him! If we pretend that he has passed away from this world and is now an etheral spectre beyond our vision and hearing, he may wander off of his own accord!
Pyjama: Genius! Such chicanery is normally seen in Parisian theaters, but why not here in the country! Quiet now, here comes the Marquis!
[Le Marquis de Marquis enters, stumbling slightly, looking very shabby and totally out of place in comparison with the young men]
Man believed to be the inspiration
for Le Marquis de Marquis
Marquis: My god! What a horror! The brewers, they are revolting! My head is ringed with barrels and my barrels are headed with rings!! I don't even know what that means!! But if I keep up this charade perhaps I can keep the kind hospitality of le Lutin a little longer. [Sees Bijoux and Pyjama] Oh! There are those young men, Messieurs Bijoux and Pyjama (odd names, but good men). Gentlemen how are you!! [Bijoux and Pyjama ignore him] I say sirs! GOOD DAY!! [Walks over to them, still being ignored]
Bijoux: Stop friend, I feel a wind across my cheeks that I have not sensed since le Marquis de Marquis left us.
Marquis: Because I have returned!!
Pyjama: I feel the same gust my friend. But surely it's our sorrow at having lost so good a man so young.
Marquis: But I am found!! HERE!!
Bijoux: His death was quite the shock, it reminds us to savor our successes as fleeting wisps of air in the clouds of life.
Marquis: D-d-d-DEATH? MOI?! Yet here I stand! Could this be some trick,?I could push a hand against them and know for sure. But that would be rude and we French are never rude! Better to just float away, ghost that I am, for a better place. Adieu, adieu dear friends...live well and remember me!
[He is about to leave when Le Lutin enters, looking grumpy. Bijoux and Pyjama look forlorn that their ruse will be discovered]
Marquis: Oh, le Lutin! How I'll miss you! Your rosy cheeks! Your stern facade!! Your incoherent mutterings about pitchers for contact! Know that, though I may be dead to you, you will always be alive to me, my chubby little Lord Dumpling!! Goodbye Goodbye! A dozen times goodbye!! [Marquis de Marquis exits and Le Lutin crosses over to a relieved looking Bijoux and Pyjama]
Le Lutin: See, if you got grit you don't go crazy like that.

FIN

Put another way for those readers who don't care to read Moliere or catch the little French in-jokes here: "Adieu Jason Marquis, parting is such sweet sorrow"

8.28.2010

Viva Espana!

To be sure winning last night was awesome (particularly given Seattle's inexplicable mojo against us when we're up in that soggy Washington air) but rather than focus on Joe's 3 hits, or Baker's continued resurgence, or the fact that Orlando Hudson asked to be circled by Bert (though, for the record, I'd prefer it if he had taken a sign with him on to the field).

No, lets focus on the inherent musicality of the spanish language and how merrily it rolls of our tongues when singing the Twins praises.

There's Little Danny Valencia, our freshest face on the infield, who got his first honest-to-goodness big league triple last night, our little boy is growing up right in front of our eyes. And, since I love making allusions to the futbol team which shares Danny's last name: I feel obliged to point out that while Danny Valencia prepares for a run at the playoffs, Valencia CF will try to run at their title through Manchester United (the Yankees of futbol), the scottish club Rangers (right after we played the Texas Rangers) and Buraspor (from Turkey...there's no amusing connection to baseball there...but hey, those first to a weird aren't they?). Go Danny! Go Bats! (Viva Los Che!)

Secondly, we should note that all of the sudden GM Billy Smith is picking up relievers like impulse buy bags of peanut M & Ms from the check out line shelves. In the space of a week we've grabbed two pretty solid relievers in Randy Flores and Brian Fuentes. Since Flores means "Flowers" and Fuentes means "Fountains" it naturally made me wonder if our old buddy Pablo Neruda had any poems featuring that kind of imagery. He doesn't, but Ms. Rosalia de Castro does! And sure enough it's chocked full of portent:
Along the long path
Now a pine grove, now a fountain appears
Which, bursting forth on the mossy rock
Descends noisily to the valley
And shining in the rays of sun
Between a sea of greenery are lost
Split in limpid streams
Give life to the wild flowers
And joining together in the Sar, the river
Which like a child who sleeps peacefully,
Reflecting the blue of skies
Flows slowly to be hidden in the foliage.
(From the google books form of The Cambridge Introduction to Spanish Poetry by, D. Gareth Walters, p. 36)
Now, CLEARLY, de Castro was writing about these waiver wire transactions, because our bull pen is near a row of pines, and the "Fountain" (Fuentes) will descend noisily on the valley of the midwest (by complaining about Angels fans), and the whole shining/lost thing probably refers to how hitters will have a hard time seeing his pitches in day games (and from his funky side throwing angle. Moreover he'll give life to flowers (reuniting with Flores from Colorado) and the two will join together to allow all children to sleep peacefully because the bullpen is now stronger than ever. Or not...you can write an essay about and send it to me if you want. (Sidenote: I'd really like a teaching job.)

So, well done Danny, Randy and Brian...excuse me...bueno trabajo Valencia, Flores y Fuentes! Viva Espana, y Viva Los Gemelos!!!

8.02.2010

Back on the Rubber Again

In honor of the amazingly resurgent Francisco Liriano we offer this set of alternate lyrics to "Back in the Saddle Again" by Gene Autry. Because who better than the Singin' Cowboy (big baseball fan and former Angels owner) to explain the joys of our beloved 'Cisco Kid?
I'm back on the rubber again
Out where a Twin is a Twin
Where all I really need
Is a measly one run lead
Back on the rubber again

Just like it was before
Rulin' the mound once more
Where I strike out guys all night
And this lefty's always right
Back on the rubber again

Whoopi-ty-aye-oh
Don't mess with Ol' Cisco
Back on the rubber again
Whoopi-ty-aye-yay
That's the way we play
Back on the rubber again

Best of luck to the boys tonight as they try to stop the beams of light in Tampa Bay.

7.23.2010

Rhyme and Reason

First, great win last night. Cuddy, Delmon and Senor 'Stache...all we need. Well, that and my father giggling over his witticism "Wiggington WIGGED OUT!"

As frequent readers (all three of you) will know, we here at Peanuts From Heaven love baseball history including this little rhyme about my father's favorite team as a boy (the Milwaukee Braves) and their pitching woes

Spahn, Sain and Pray for Rain

It is in that spirit therefore that we introduce our very own, globalized Twins rhyme to reflect our own pitching woes.

Pavano, Liriano and hope for a hurricano

Repeat that as often as you like, it's a helpful little mantra.

5.04.2010

JJ Hardy and the Mystery of The Tiggers

Want to know why I'm so excited to come back to Minnesota?

1--There are people I love there
2--There is a pretty new ballpark I've not yet seen
3--Living in the black hole of Northwest Ohio has deprived me of watching the last 8 games in a row on MLB.tv, driving me closer and closer to the brink of insanity. Add to this the fact that after tearing my hair out over an extremely tense episode of LOST I came home to find that a thin lead had shrunk and shrunk until at the very moment I turn on Jon Gordon and Danny Gladden Brennan Boesch hit the ball very very far. And, being the good Minnesota Twins fan I am, I began to despair.

But no one told a particular short stop/mystery enthusiast, one JJ Hardy--BASEBALL BOY DETECTIVE! In the latest installment of his popular series: "JJ Hardy and the Mystery of the Tiggers"--The climactic excerpt is quoted here

Chapter 9
...With a crash, the peace of the deep dark night in Targetville was shattered and JJ Hardy, baseball boy detective, knew that he would have to act fast to solve this mystery.

"Hmmm," said JJ, "I better act fast in order to solve this mystery! I'd hate it if Dr. Cakeburn's Red Velvet Laboratory were ruined by these messy messy Tiggers. After all, like Gardy always says, a clean Laboratory is a SAFE laboratory!!"

Just then, Detroit catcher Alex Avila kaboing-ga-boinged his way to second base with a double while singing the Tiger theme song. which gave JJ an idea.

"HEY! I have an idea!" said JJ. "Tiggers are bouncy, trouncy, pouncy, flouncy and quite a bit of fun, but the most wonderful thing about tiggers, is that they're the only ones! So if I behave like a Tigger...they won't know what's happening!! I may need to get messy, I hope Gardy forgives me."

And so when Ramon Santiago hit a grounder loaded with vim and with vigor, JJ flung himself after the ball, and, doing his best Tigger impression bounced up to surprise Alex Avila and catch him off guard near third base causing Little Nicky Punto to yell: "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY TIGGERS ARE FUN!!!"

Nick may have been right, but JJ still had work to do, to solve the mystery of the Tiggers he'd have to keep thinking like a Tigger until the game was over. And so when he came to bat he hit a jumpy bumpy ball to left center field and ran his clumpy thumpy way to third base. And poised on top of third base he sang out the magical words sure to solve the mystery.

"Boy this sure has been fun fun fun fun and so forth, but the most wonderful thing about Tiggers is I'M the only one...YES I'm the only ONE!!!!"

It's not a good idea, dear child, to ever intentionally exacerbate another person, but for the sake of Targetville, for the safety of Dr. Cakeburn's Baking Laboratory and for Twins fans everywhere it was a good thing that JJ irritated the Tiger's pitcher. Because that led to the pitcher, through big salty tears to cry out, "nu-uh!!!!" and throw a slider whose top was made out of rubber and whose bottom was made out of springs to go bouncy flouncy past the catcher and allow JJ and all the Twins to snatch victory from the Jaws of defeat and solve the mystery of the Tiggers.

THE END

P.s. Before the game tonight came news that Ernie Harwell, former Tiger's announcer had passed away. The last in a line of legendary announcers, his poetry unites all fans, not just those who agree with him. He will be missed

4.23.2010

Quick, like a ninja

The game will be on shortly, and the good news is that Stinky and I are coming to the home stretch of our homework loads this year--so in short order we can devote ourselves to the truly important things in this world: truth, justice, disgusting odors and the Minnesota Twins.

But with our various other duties we are only now getting to tonight's post, so, apologies for the abbreviated nature of this one, but we're seeking expediency here at all costs.

1) Little Nicky Punto has an owie (but not a dragon inflicted owie like Jose Mijares so, that's a plus). This means that Luke Hughes is coming up, which means we have an Australian on our team which means I may need to be nice to Australians, which is not something I'm good at. Don't get me wrong, I know and have worked with several Australians and they are largely wonderful people. They are also perpetually sarcastic (something to do with being stranded on a god forsaken rock with a bunch of convicts probably), and as a constantly peppy person I don't do well with sarcasm--it hurts my tender American feelings (sniff).

But in an effort to help Luke Hughes feel comfortable we'd like to show him that our love and affection in the culturally appropriate Australian way. By mocking him (and by him we mean Australia in general) mercilessly. (Ahem): "Hey Luke Hughes! Stop putting that Vegemite on your hotdog and listen up! I know that you're going to be tempted during the course of the game to hug Jason Kubel because his beard reminds you of a koala but please remember that the only way that Kubel would ever want to hug you is if you behave hop around the bases like a kangaroo after your first major league hit! Also, Baz Luhrman's films are self-indulgent! THERE I SAID IT!!! Now go out there and make us proud! (oops that's too nice) Go out there and try not to kill Nemo!"

2) We rocked that home stand, and are in fact pretty much rocking everything in sight these days (5 straight series wins? Hells to the yes!). But while this is very good the best thing that came out of this home stand was the following revelation from Denard Span (courtesy of the Star Trib): "I was nervous as could be about how cold it was going to be here in April. I had my ninja outfit ready to go." As Stinky pointed out to me last weekend, this means that Denard is, as she has long suspected...A NINJA! "Think about it," she said, "you pretty much have to be a ninja to play centerfield, fast, agile, capable of sudden strikes when its least expected."

When I claimed that Carlos Gomez was too noisy to be a Ninja stinky pointed out that he was "the dysfunctional ninja, the diet coke of ninjas." However, as she pointed out to me "Denard is also silent and stealthy, he just stands at the plate and waits and waits and then--BOOM he's on first base with a walk!"

I can picture Denard now, on his days off from the Twins, skulking around Minneapolis in his ninja gear, using throwing stars to pin White Sox fans to walls, using his cat like reflexes to scale the elevator shafts in the Wells Fargo building until he reaches the super computers and adjusts the interest rates on savings bonds. Sigh...oh Denard, why must you be so awesome?

As always we hope that the awesomeness can continue but understand if it doesn't. And as the boys head back on the road we send them off with the full support of Twins Territory, and as an homage to our Ninja Centerfielder, we send them off with a haiku

Take your home with you
Flashing streaks of number two
Victory is ours

4.06.2010

Start with a whimper, end with a bang

Before we get started we'd like to replay the analysis of the match up with the Angels conducted between Scruffy and our friend and Angels fan "LP"--conducted during a human developmental psychology course Monday night an hour before game time.

Scruffy: [Point to Delmon Young Jersey he's wearing, big thumbs up, knowing nod.]
LP: [Shakes head, points at jersey and mouths: "you're coming to LA, where it's hot, so you'll be all--" wipes non existent sweat off of forehead "--and--" pretends to pant and move walk very slowly in seat "--we'll win"]

I don't know about the heat...but I do know about the result...our pretty pretty princess melted in the face of Godzilla. Which is ultimately, not that surprising.

While our first game (and first loss) of the 2010 season may cause a good deal of consternation in the world wide interweb, we heavenly peanuts have decided to take a more zen approach to everything. We will yoga it up, take some deep breaths, calm ourselves and remember that, in the fullness of time, all will be well. (Of course, one could argue that being Zen didn't save Tokyo from Godzilla attacks--but Godzilla is to Tokyo what drunken frat-boys are to graduate students--doesn't mean that Tokyo/Graduate students haven't survived.) As always we trust in the power of poetry and therefore offer the following haiku to help all faithful Twins fans survive the initial despair of a shaky start:

First blooms catch the eye
Trampling steps, fire breath, many risks
Heaps of blooms this year

10.07.2009

What do you mean, we have to keep playing?

Wait, so I thought we had won and would get a nice little parade and hugs and kisses and puppy dogs and what not...we have to travel to New York City and face a team that is 50% Vampire? Not cool Major League Baseball...not cool...

I am tempted to ask if we can borrow some Tigers for this series...maybe Verlander, Procello, Rodney, Minor, Granderson, Inge, Polanco--heck, maybe even Laird, Rayburn and Jimmy "Classy-Dude" Leyland. What do you say Tigers? Huh? No...okay...{Side note, seriously, people who led the "Al-co-hol-ic" chant to Cabrera during the game last night--that's a tool-y thing to do, we disavow any association with knobs like that.}


How about you, Johan, since the guy we got in a trade for you made the playoffs before your new team did...how about we call the whole thing null and void and let you start game one or two? You could put on an Armando Gabino costume and pretend to be him. What's that, your arm is hurt...okay...

So...nobody expects us to do well, which is fine because we don't expect us to do well. Somebody called this an "all-time walkover" most of ESPN is saying its done in three or four*, the New York Times is no less confident in our demise. But rather than dwelling on that, or on how awfully awful the Yankees are (Click here, here or here for a refresher) Let's focus on how awesome we are, how great it is to have Joe Mauer's awesomeness shine through his sideburns, how Cuddy can play such good defense for a guy whose supposed to be in right field, how Brian "You Make Me Feel Like" Duensing has been adorably puppyish all season long, how our bullpen is le tired--but still manages to endure.


We have dread pirates, masters of supraction, ubermensches, pretty princesses, Or-Land-O' Lakes, and of course the Nefarious Dr. Cakeburn. We are rainbow of diverse awesom-itude.

The Yankees are just vampires--and though Vampires are hot right now, we can all agree:
P.s. Remember, we're being satirical...no offense is intended. Please contact bloggers if you take umbrage to any statements made, we don't want to make you cry Alex Rodriguez, and we are sorry that the world is so mean to you--maybe if you didn't play for the next week you'd feel better...
[*On further reflection ESPN, or more specifically Jim Caple, does defend us, writing: "How can anyone not root for the Twins? Theyare this year's proof that budget-minded teams can compete.....They rallied from a seven-game deficit in September and a three-game deficit in October....Face it, rooting against the Twins this fall is like rooting against the Rebel Alliance or Habitat for Humanity", and David Shoenfield says that Nicky P. is "like great poetry: You may not realize you're reading iambic pentameter, but there's something in the words that just flow."]

9.28.2009

Deep Breaths...

First, a bit of a news flash--I, Scruffy, will be in attendance tonight in Detroit Rock City despite having a 6 page paper due tomorrow. Perhaps my judgement is off a skosh, you say? Perhaps...but such is the effect of a series to decide our season.

In an effort to maintain sanity prior to this big series, we here at Peanuts from Heaven encourage everyone to remember the secret of life: KEEP BREATHING! Seriously, if you don't breathe for an extended period of time, your chances of living diminish severely.

To help you all, here's a pre-series haiku for you:

However it goes,
Awesomeness needs no reward
The journey is all.

You may now return to freaking out.

9.17.2009

Before the battle...

I know that we're about to play 3 against the team we're chasing (and that victory will mean new hope, while defeat will mean planning for 2010) and much as I would like to spew invective and cranky whatnots, I am not now, nor will I ever (hopefully) be a cable news pundit.

So instead, how about the best of the best from the voice of the Tigers, and something we can all agree on.

"A Game for All America", by Ernie Harwell (1955)

Baseball is President Eisenhower tossing out the first ball of the season; and a pudgy schoolboy playing catch with his dad on a Mississippi farm. Its the big league pitcher who sins in night clubs. And the Hollywood singer who pitches to the Giants in spring training.

A tall, thin old man waving a scorecard from his dugout -- that's baseball. So is the big, fat guy with a bulbous nose running out one of his 714 home runs with mincing steps.

It's America, this baseball. A re-issued newsreel of boyhood dreams. Dreams lost somewhere between boy and man. It's the Bronx cheer and the Baltimore farewell. The left-field screen in Boston, the right-field dump at Nashville's Sulphur Dell, the open stands in San Francisco, the dusty, wind-swept diamond at Albuquerque. And a rock home plate and a chicken wire backstop -- anywhere.

There's a man in Mobile who remembers a triple he saw Honus Wagner hit in Pittsburgh 46 years ago. That's baseball. So is the scout reporting that a 16-year-old sandlot pitcher in Cheyenne is the new "Walter Johnson."

It's a wizened little man shouting insults from the safety of his bleacher seat. And a big, smiling first baseman playfully tousling the hair of a youngster outside the players' gate.

Baseball is a spirited race of man against man, reflex against reflex. A game of inches. Every skill is measured. Every heroic, every failing is, seen and cheered -- or booed. And then becomes a statistic. In baseball, democracy shines its clearest. Here the only race that matters is the race to the bag. The creed is the rule book. Color is something to distinguish one team's uniform from another.

Baseball is Sir Alexander Fleming, discoverer of penicillin, asking his Brooklyn hosts to explain Dodger signals. It's player Moe Berg speaking seven languages and working crossword puzzles in Sanskrit. It's a scramble in the box seats for a foul -- and a $125 suit ruined. A man barking into a hot microphone about a cool beer, that's baseball. So is the sportswriter telling a .383 hitter how to stride, and a 20-victory pitcher trying to write his impressions of the World Series.

Baseball is a ballet without music. Drama without words. A carnival without kewpie dolls.

A housewife in California couldn't tell you the color of her husband's eyes, but she knows that Yogi Berra is hitting .337, has brown eyes and used to love to eat bananas with mustard. That's baseball. So is the bright sanctity of Cooperstown's Hall of Fame. And the former big leaguer who is playing out the string in a Class B loop.

Baseball is continuity. Pitch to pitch. Inning to inning. Game to game. Series to series. Season to season. It's rain, rain, rain splattering on a puddled tarpaulin as thousands sit in damp disappointment. And the click of typewriters and telegraph keys in the press box -- like so many awakened crickets. Baseball is a cocky batboy. The old-timer whose batting average increases every time he tells it. A lady celebrating a home team rally by mauling her husband with a rolled-up scorecard.

Baseball is the cool, clear eyes of Rogers Hornsby, the flashing spikes of Ty Cobb, an overaged pixie named Rabbit Maranville, and Jackie Robinson testifying before a Congressional hearing.

Baseball? It's just a game -- as simple as a ball and a bat. Yet, as complex as the American spirit it symbolizes. It's a sport, business -- and sometimes even religion.

Baseball is Tradition in flannel knickerbockers. And Chagrin in being picked off base. It is Dignity in the blue serge of an umpire running the game by rule of thumb. It is Humor, holding its sides when an errant puppy eludes two groundskeepers and the fastest outfielder. And Pathos, dragging itself off the field after being knocked from the box.

Nicknames are baseball. Names like Zeke and Pie and Kiki and Home Run and Cracker and Dizzy and Dazzy.

Baseball is a sweaty, steaming dressing room where hopes and feelings are as naked as the men themselves. It's a dugout with spike-scarred flooring. And shadows across an empty ballpark. It's the endless list of names in box scores, abbreviated almost beyond recognition.

The holdout is baseball, too. He wants 55 grand or he won't turn a muscle. But, it's also the youngster who hitch-hikes from South Dakota to Florida just for a tryout.

Arguments, Casey at the Bat, old cigarette cards, photographs, Take Me Out to the Ball Game -- all of them are baseball.

Baseball is a rookie -- his experience no bigger than the lump in his throat -- trying to begin fulfillment of a dream. It's a veteran, too -- a tired old man of 35, hoping his aching muscles can drag him through another sweltering August and September.

For nine innings, baseball is the story of David and Goliath, of Samson, Cinderella, Paul Bunyan, Homer's Iliad and the Count of Monte Cristo.

Willie Mays making a brilliant World Series catch. And then going home to Harlem to play stick-ball in the street with his teen-age pals -- that's baseball.

And so is the husky voice of a doomed Lou Gehrig saying, "I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of this earth."

Baseball is cigar smoke, hot-roasted peanuts, The Sporting News, winter trades, "Down in Front," and the "Seventh-Inning Stretch." Sore arms, broken bats, a no-hitter, and the strains of the Star-Spangled Banner.

Baseball is a highly paid Brooklyn catcher telling the nation's business leaders: "You have to be a man to be a big leaguer, but you have to have a lot of little boy in you, too."

This is a game for America, this baseball!

8.23.2009

These are a few of my favorite things

Sure, I could write about Cuddy making history--about the secrets Carl Pavano learned as an undercover Yankpire (determined to bring down their evil organization)--I could write about Trey Hillman needing lessons in crazy from Gardy, or the wonders of MLB.Tv. providing me with a Sunday game with Dick and Coom-dog.

But why talk about it....when I could SING!!

Doubles on bobbles in left center fields
Gogo off sprinting with swift turning wheels
Joe Mauer's title as the batting king
These are a few of my favorite things

Big Justin's bat and 400 foot blast-ez,
Joe Nathan's slider drops guys on their asses,
Casilla, Cabrera and Harris' flings,
These are a few of my favorite things

Blackburn and Slowey and Baker all healthy,
Delmon's supraction...going all stealthy.
When Cuddy smiles and dimples go ping!
These are a few of my favorite things

When all hope's lost
When we're losing
When I'm feeling bad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so sad

Thank you Twins for giving me some of my favorite things during this series. I will return the favor by infringing on copyright law--you're welcome.

[Side note: Tomorrow's first day of school for both Stinky and self, hopefully we can celebrate with blogs aplenty--if not--just pretend]

7.27.2009

I know it's a day late...

but heart felt none the less...

My co-blogger in crime will handle the game we witnessed tonight (magical as it was). It falls to me to explain the end of the road trip that would not, could not! be anything more than pure unadulterated lame-i-tude.

Yesterday there was this--
MORNEAU: C'mon Guys! I know things have been bad! I know you're down and out! I know everyone just wants to go home so they can hold on to their teddy bears and hold on to their blankets, but if we win this game we can go home with our heads held high.
EVERYONE: [grumumblemumblewuhhuhhh]
MORNEAU: Seriously guys, we got this one, I mean no matter what goes wrong at your place of business there's always one guy you can turn to when times are tough?
BOBBY KEPPEL: Who's that big plaid chested man?
SWARZAK: SWARZAK!!!
MAUER: Can't be me, my sideburns are wilting in the hot Pacific sun.
SWARZAK: SWARZAK!!!
PERCY BYSSHE SHELLY: Can't be me...I died before the game was invented...oh, and I should be dead now...[awkward pause]so I guess I'm a zombie...[awkward pause]blaaaaaaaaahhhhh.
SWARZAK: SWARZAK!!!!!!!
MORNEAU: C'mon guys, he's dependable, reliable, and exactly what you need when you need it.
EVERYONE: Who is it? [P.B.S. blaaaaaaaaahhhhhh]
SWARZAK: SWARZAK!!!!
MORNEAU: D'uh....it's me!





Brawny dudes and talking ducks--a winning combination.

6.08.2009

I go a journey in galleries of sound

I love being on the road.... or not....
Why couldn't the meat of our order hit their pitching? Maybe because they have the best pitching in the league?...but I digress. Also...and I mean, this is just a small detail so I can see how our guys might have missed it, but when there's guys on base, it sometimes helps to, you know, help them score. Like, get a hit, or something. Just a small point.

So instead of focusing on the fact that we lost the series, let's focus instead on the "Marineros" uniforms our fancy-pantsed opponents were wearing on Saturday to honor latino contributions to the sport of baseball.

Some observations:
1) Whenever I hear the word "Mariner" I think of Samuel Taylor Colridge and the Rime of the Ancient Mariner. Thus it follows that all of the Seattle Mariners must be tortured poets.

2) Mark Grace is boring. There were minute-long periods of silence during which I could hear crickets chirping.
3) In honor of Latino heritage, and also in honor of the Mariners being poets and also in honor of the Fox announcers sucking, I offer this edition of FSN POETRY, brought to you by Octavio Paz and Pablo Neruda. I may or may not have chosen some of this commentary by opening a book and jabbing my finger at a random page.

GRACE: Welcome to another FSN Baseball broadcast! Here with me today are my buddies Octavio Paz and Pablo Neruda!
NERUDA: to whoever is cooped up
in house or office, factory...
or street or mine or harsh prison cell:
to you I come, and, without speaking or looking,
I arrive and open the door of your prison.
PAZ: If this beginning is a beginning it does not begin with me. I begin with it.
GRACE: Deep thoughts, deep thoughts. So what did you guys think of today's game?
NERUDA: Cold flower heads are raining over my heart.
Oh pit of debris, fierce cave of the shipwrecked...
GRACE: So...not good then.
PAZ: The stone lips of the night utter a word column of grief...
GRACE: I guess you're both Twins fans, huh. Ok...well...I mean, your boys left a lot of men on base - lots of squandered opporunities there. How do you feel about that?
NERUDA: You can cut the flowers but you cannot stop spring from coming.
PAZ: If man is dust, all who go through the plain are men.
GRACE: So true, so true. Words of wisdom.
[30 second pause]
GRACE: Soo... Cuddy's been on the DL, that's gotta be hurting.
NERUDA: A child who does not play is not a child; but a man who does not play has lost forever the child who lived in him and who he will miss terribly.
GRACE: Well it's always sad when your inner child dies. I killed mine long ago. (awkward pause) Think the Twins have a shot at the pennant this year?
PAZ: Reality is a staircase going neither up nor down, we don’t move; today is today, always is today.
NERUDA: Will our life not be a tunnel between two vague clarities? Or will it not be a clarity between two dark triangles?
PAZ: To fall, to return, to dream, and let me be the dream of the eyes of the future, another life, other clouds and die at last another death!
GRACE: That sounds optimistic.
NERUDA: We don't do optimism.
GRACE: That's the sanest thing you've said all day.

[5 minute pause. Crickets chirp.]

GRACE: Hey look a fluffy cloud.
PAZ: Man does not speak because he thinks; he thinks because he speaks. Or rather, speaking is no different than thinking: to speak is to think.
GRACE: Are you mocking me?
NERUDA: I'm not sure, I can understand only a little, I can hardly see...
GRACE: You're not kidding.

[7.5 minutes pass. Paz begins to hum a John Cage tune.]

GRACE: Well that's all for tonight folks! See you next week!


Dear Oakland: please be kind to us. As you can tell, my sanity is slipping slowly away...