Know Thine Enemy '09: The New York Yankees

We have said it and said it and said it again: The Yankees are Evil.

Here now, incontrovertible, totally irrational proof of that fact, in the list of reasons why we should eradicate the Yankees like the pestilential cockroaches they are:

1. The Steinbrenner's: Owners, Jackasses, Multi-milliondollar jerkwads. *82 Loathing Points*

2. Payroll: In a dip from last year the Yankees are only spending 201 Million Dollars. ONLY 201,449,189 dollars. Or, the same amount that it would cost for three teams of Minnesota Twins. So I'll make the following proposition, why don't we get two clones for every one of our players and face the Yankees on a level playing field? *65 Loathing Points*

3. History/Shmistory: The Yankees used to wallow in this whole "aura of excellence" and would rub everyone else's nose in it. They'd talk about how great their teams are, how noble, and patriotic and magnificent their history is. But  allow me to quote my mother who, while watching the yesterday's announcements of the All-Star Teams, said this in regard to the Yankees/Red Sox and their legions of ditto-heads: "I hate that! I don't care about the big market teams! I don't care about the Yankees with their commercials and their legions of fans! I'm a fan of baseball, not a fan of marketing!!"  She's right, at this point the whole "aura of excellence," is little more than a ploy to make the Yankees more of a brand for consumption than an actual team. You're a Yankees fan if you want to watch the triumph of wealth, not if you want to watch baseball. So shut up Yankees fans your "aura" your "mystique" are nothing more than inventions of the Steinbrenner's to get you to part with your hard earned money. *126 Loathing Points*

4. Vampires: In case this is your first time reading the blog, we will say it again: The Yankees are Vampires. Vampires run faster, jump higher, and hit harder than anyone else. The Yankees run faster, jump higher and hit harder than anyone else. The Yankees are Vampires! Learn to recognize the tell-tale signs by examining this informational poster. *365 Loathing Points*

Reasons we should take a karmic view of erradicating the vermin and simply let them live with us in peace and---AAAAAHHHH! IT'S TWITCHING SMASH IT SMASH IT!!!

1. Jack: I have a little cousin named Jack. He's a Yankees fan. I'm trying to help him mend his ways, but until I do, I will not cause him undue distress. *-250 Loathing Points*

2. Pacifism: Violence and hatred actually aren't the best and we should endeavor to understand our enemies. So we won't punch Yankees fans in the face at the game. We won't jeer them or taunt them. We'll just beat them. *-250 Loathing Points*

Final Loathe-o-Meter Rating: 138 Loathing Points (A NEW RECORD!)

(+38 Points from last year)

Punishment: [EDITED FOR TIME AND CONTENT]