Know Thine Enemy #9: The New York Yankees

Reasons we should beat up the Yankees like the typhoon of fists and kicks that is Batman:
  1. The Steinbrenners: Cleveland shipping magnate George Steinbrenner bought the Yankees in the 1970s. This, after the Yankees had gone a whole decade without a championship, and become just another baseball team rather than an onerous superpower that insisted on worship from all corners of the world. Steinbrenner helped make free agency the beast that it has become today, paying top dollar for players like Catfish Hunter and Reggie Jackson. Though George's ill health has stopped him from being the jerkwad of old, his son Hank has more than ably provided an immeasurable degree of jackassitude. At various points Hank has criticized small market teams for "targeting the Yankees" (which is basically, trying to beat them) when they benefit from the Yankee's paying the luxury tax. He also blamed a "stupid rule from the 1800s" for having one of his pitchers get hurt while running...because if you're a professional athlete, you should never have to run.  *250 Loathing Points*
  2. Dave Winfield: Perhaps the nastiest part of the Steinbrenner jackassitude--so nasty I'm giving it it's own section--is that George decided at one point to hire a private investigator to discredit and embarrass Dave Winfield. St. Paul native Dave Winfield. University of Minnesota alum Dave Winfield. Class act Dave Winfield, whose dirty laundry seems to have included a past due library fine on "Man's Search for Meaning" and accidently taking one to many penny candies from a local drugstore. On behalf of local boy, Dave Winfield, it's on! *31 Loathing Points*
  3. The Payroll: The Yankees are currently paying their players 207, 108,489 dollars. That would be 4.75 times as much as the Twins. It's 70 Million more than any other team. It's literally enough to buy an island nation...not in the joking around "I wanna buy a private island somewhere" in the literal 207,000,000 dollars is 65,000,000 dollars more than the entire nation of Sao Taome and Principe makes in a year...that's right, Sao Taome AND Principe! *65 Loathing Points*
  4. Mystique: Yankees fans, players, announcers and unabashed sycophants talk about the Yankee's mystique, the coolness of the Yankees, the awesomeness of their stadium, their tradition and their history. They invoke the names of Ruth, Gherig, DiMaggio and Mantle as if to say: Mess with us, and you mess with the greatest players of all time. And while they are four great players, combined they hold a grand total of 2 all-time records (Both Ruth, Slugging percentage and On Base + Slugging Percentage)--Rickey Henderson holds the same number...and he's crazy! So don't invoke some mythical mystique of Yankee greatness unless you can really back it up...Hank Aaron...he can do it...Joe from Staten island with a loud boo...not so much. *128 Loathing Points*
  5. Last season in Yankee Stadium: They will be demolishing the old Yankee Stadium and putting up one that looks almost exactly like it right next door. Because if you're going to build something new it should be as much like the thing its replacing as possible. (Pause for all Minnesotans to consider astroturf outside...united shudder...moving on.) This will be the last chance to shove the smug smirks of Yankees fans down their throats on one piece of land, before having to do it on one approximately 200 yards away. *26 Loathing Points*
Reasons we should only hoakily beat up the Yankees with several "Kazow"s ""SplAAAAAAt"s and "Ooof"s like the old school Batman.
  1. Kindness: I'll be honest, I'm not the spewing from the mouth, vitriolic nitwit blogger who appears on ESPN. I don't think that everyone who wears pinstripes deserves to burn forever in the fiery pits of hell (Heck Bobby Abreu prayed for Nick Blackburn after driving a hit off his face, Mike Mussina does the crossword puzzle!). I don't huff and puff and go all red in the face for the sake of sounding like I know what I'm talking about. I'm the sappy nitwit blogger who thinks this whole thing is funny. I don't really loathe the Yankees, just what they represent. I loathe the idea that success can be determined by how much money you have and not how hard you work. I loathe the idea that you can be smug, obnoxious, rude, and mean spirited enough to try and publicly smear a man you disagree with, and still be considered a success. I don't really want the Yankees to die cozen to a thousand pieces. I just want them to lose. *-400 Loathing Points*
Final Loathe-O-Meter Rating=*100 Loathing Points* 
(See, even with kindness they still max out the Loathe-O-Meter)
This Point total is equivalent to: The New York Yankees--The most loatheable thing on the planet.

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