Know Thine Enemy #10: The Chicago White Sox

Apologies for the lateness of this entry, but I can make up for it:

Reasons to crush the White Sox like a beverage can against our forehead:
  1. Punks: It's hard to put a finger on precisely, but there's something immensely unlikable about the White Sox. Abundant derisive nicknames for them pepper fans vocabulary (B**ch-Sox, Stink-Sox, or, as Bob Ueker says: "The Pale Hosers from the Windy City".) They're always there, right ahead of or right behind us. Taunting, teasing, and just generally being wank-jobs. Justify the nicknames, whoop 'em. *25 Loathing Points*
  2. Lazy asses: The Twins play hard, grind it out, run around the bases put on special plays, use defense to pick their pitchers and no one from one through nine slacks off. The White Sox strategy seems to involve waiting around for Jermaine Dye, Jim Thome or Carlos Quentin to hit the ball a very long way. (They have hit 70 more home runs than the Twins, but scored only 3 more runs) Tough it out punks, try to run a little bit, it's good exercise for your fat-asses. *70 Loathing Points*
  3. The title: Over the last 7 years, the American League Central has been fun, intense competition between good teams with excellent players who work hard without the fame or fortune of other, less talented teams (I'm looking at you Dodgers). And for those 7 years the Twins have more wins and fewer losses than any other team. With 4 division titles...but the only team from the Central to win the World Series...the White Sox...bitter, yes...vindictive, you bet...valid reason for a beat down, absolutely. *30 Loathing Points*
  4. Violence: While we here at Peanuts From Heaven encourage smack downs on opposing team, we do not encourage, endorse or other wise engage in actual violent behavior (our careers as assassins rely on subtlety). This is not an opinion shared by ChiSox fans, who have at various times, attacked umpires and nearly destroyed their own home stadium. *66 Loathing Points*
Reasons we should use a basic can crushing implement to appropriately prepare the White Sox for disposal:
  1. I owe them: This is purely personal. The White Sox employed me for a summer. They kept baseball in my home town. I helped Major league White Sox Brian Anderson and Boone Logan during their first season as professionals (mostly to know where food was cheap in Montana). I met Kenny Williams (nice guy, good with kids). Hard to hate guys you know (so when they are all fired, traded or retired, I'll be more able to hate them). *-40 Loathing Points*
  2. Ozzie Guillen: While you can loathe the White Sox, and everything they stand for, it's hard not to like coach Ozzie Guillen. The guy gives the Twins credit, compliments Gardenhire and gives our players nicknames. Give the man a casserole dish and a Gomez t-shirt and he could be happy in the cheap seats. *-35 Loathing points*
  3. AJ Pierzinsky: Yes, he is a tool. A jerk and a punk. He is the embodiment of the White Sox...he is also the embodiment of the Twins so many of us came to love, scrappy, dedicated and undeniably talented. *-25 Loathing Points*
Final Loath-o-Meter Rating: 91 Loathing Points
Also Known As: the Media's obsession with Brett Favre.

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