(Though before I do that: is it just me or does White Sox pitcher Clayton Richard looks like the guy in Middle School who loved to point out that hotdogs and oranges looked like genitalia?)
Here are some humble suggestions for Twins GM Bill Smith:
- Adam Everett (SS) for Latroy Hawkins (RP): Latroy's in New York, and not happy (raise your hand if you're surprised...didn't think so). The Yankees seem to be eternally in need of middle infielders and we don't need Adam Everett any more...deal done.
- Mike Lamb (3B) for Evan Longoria (3B): The Rays are in contention for the playoffs and could sorely use some veteran leadership, this Longoria kid can't be this awesome much longer...I'm guessing one maybe two days. Come on Tampa, we like Delmon and Brendan...give us this one too, we'll be your friends....see I'm already sweetening the deal.
- Boof Bonser (SP) for Johan Santana (SP): Johan's in New York and not terribly happy (though oodles of dollars make his suffering easier to bear). You've got to think that he'll be happier and pitch better in a place where everyone loves him, and Boof can be a starter again...AND...he doesn't pitch differently depending on whether or not he get's booed (just say they're saying: "BOOOOOOOOf")
- Magic Beans for Manny Ramirez (RF/DH): Okay, so we get Red Sox GM Theo Epstein really, really drunk. And we remind him how we raise great players whom we gladly trade to Boston--David Ortiz, Kevin Garnett, etc. Then, as Epstein is staggering around with a lampshade on his head talking about the gnomes nibbling at his toes, we "come to his rescue" and tell him about how well "Magic Beans" has been playing in the minors. "Magic Beans" is great, phenomenal, fantastic, and boy we sure shouldn't trade him. Then, as Epstein blearily blinks and offers us his first born child for "Magic Beans" tell him we'll settle for Ramirez. IT CAN'T FAIL!!
Mr. Smith, I await your decision