A first glance at the AL All-Stars

Here at Peanuts From Heaven Inc. we know that the busy Minnesota Twins fan doesn't necessarily have time to learn, or care about players on other teams. So we are happy to provide a quick glossary of who these players are and how you can recognize them.

We start with the American League

AL

C-Joe Mauer--radiates goodness and light

1B-Kevin Youkilis--hideous goatee masks charred soul

2B-Dustin Pedroia--Mr. Baby-face, sometimes wears eye-black, sometimes rainbow face paint.

SS-Derek Jeter--Mr. Yankee, the most hatable man in baseball.

3B-Alex Rodriguez--may have left his wife for Madonna...an idiot

OF-Manny Ramirez--nappy dreds cover the laziest ass in baseball

OF-Ichiro Suzuki--acts like he's too cool for school...which he is.

OF-Josh Hamilton--Mr. Heart Warming Redemption story

**Bench

C--Dioner Navaro--TB--the guy who shoves Matt Garza

C--Jason Varitek--BOS--Has been crouching behind home plate since the pilgrims landed

1B--Justin Morneau--MIN--The guy with the backside

2B--Ian Kinsler--TEX--Clown hair sticks out behind his hat

SS--Michael Young--TEX--Searching for someone to care about him

3B--Joe Crede--CHI--A White Sock...erego, evil

UT--Carlos Guillen--DET--Squashy, mitt-like visage

OF--Milton Bradley--TEX--Mr. Copyright infringement ("Sorry!" "Boggle!" "Risk!")

OF--Carlos Quentin--CHI--his mlb.com picture looks like a mug shot

OF--Grady Sizemore--CLE--attractive...if you're from Cleveland.

OF--JD Drew--BOS--booed on his way out of every town he plays in

**Pitchers

Scott Kazmir--TB--Cherubic cheeks, killer fastball

Roy Halladay--TOR--blonde beard, like a bachelor Norweigan farmer

Justin Duchscherer--OAK--Best ERA in AL, and even his mother couldn't find him in a line-up

Joakim Soria--KC--Stuck in KC and stuck with a psuedo Unibrow

Cliff Lee--CLE--We're playing against him RIGHT NOW! (And he's beating us...but his team didn't)

Ervin Santana--LA--dresses up like Johan to make himself feel good.

Joe Saunders--LA--Little Mr. Chipmunk cheeks

George Sherill--BAL--The pride of Austin Peay...wherever that is.

Mariano Rivera--NY--A pity selection/going away present

Johnathan Papelbon--BOS--irritatingly popular...irriatingly good

Joe Nathan--MIN--Our beloved hero, closing for America

Francisco Rodriguez--LA--Reacts to Ks like Tiger reacts to putts