JUSTIN MCNEAU: We welcome everyone to our very special mid-game show,
BRENDAN HARRISSON: Bored as we are when facing the non-descript, terminally bland Texas Rangers, we thought we'd inject a little whimsy to the proceedings with an edition of Sargeant Gardy's Lonely Hit's Club Band
CARLOS RINGOMEZ: I AM THE EGGMAN!!!!!!!!!
JUSTIN MCNEAU: Exactly, Carlos. Anyway, as the Knitting Queen so rightly pointed out to our intrepid bloggers today: we just don't seem to have any magic going for us, which might be why we will have trouble winning a spot in the playoffs
BRENDAN HARRISSON: Well, that and the fact that we offended the Egyptian god of Evil: Set.
CARLOS RINGOMEZ: BUT I AM THE WALRUS!!!!!
JUSTIN MCNEAU: Perhaps, Carlos, but that doesn't mean that Eggmen and Walrii will be welcome in the post season, let's ask Denard Spannon for his thoughts. Denard?
DENARD SPANNON: [Staring at spatted sunflower seeds on the dugout floor in abject dismay] Huh...what?
JUSTIN MCNEAU: Your opinion on things...[Denard says nothing]...your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions? [Denard says nothing] C'mon Denard, we're having fun! You always love this! It's your chance to tell me what a terrible person I am.
BRENDAN HARRISSON: And what a bland unimaginative lemming I am.
CARLOS RINGOMEZ: And to talk to me about being high on life!
DENARD SPANNON: Didn't you guys see me screw up that play today? Joe hits a line drive that should have landed, but they catch it...and...throw me out...and...I was standing at home thinking I'd scored...and...and [sobs uncontrollably]
[MCNEAU looks at HARRISSON and RINGOMEZ and then stares out at the Texas Rangers in their smug self-righteous ways...slowly his majestic Candian chin sets itself in a noble repose and he announces to his colleagues]
MCNEAU: You're forgetting one thing Denard...
SPANNON: [sniffle] What? [Sniffle]
MCNEAU: We're Sargeant Gardy's Lonely Hit's Club Band!!! [McNeau promptly singles]
RINGOMEZ: We have a Rock Band game coming out!! [Ringomez goes in to run for Jason Kubel]
HARISSON: We've all been knighted by the British Monarch of our minds! [Harrisson singles home McNeau to tie the game--and McNeau reenters the dugout to comfort Denard]
MCNEAU: We're practically bigger than JESUS! [Denard, still not in character, looks daggers at McNeau, as Carlos Ringomez slides home safely to take the lead and the Metrodome erupts]
RINGOMEZ: COO-COO-CA-CHOO!!! COO-COO-CA-CHOOO!!!!!!
[Suddenly the clouds over Denard's face part and he unleashes his smile and begins the great cry of triumph throughout Twins Territory]
SPANNON: COO-COO-CA-CHOO!! COO-COO-CA-CHOO!!!
"Coo-coo-ca-choo" indeed...truer words have never been spoken