Know Thine Enemy #3: The San Diego Padres

Reasons why the Twins should hit the Padres so hard that their Ninos y Ninas will feel it:

  1. Petco Park: Naming rights make sense when it leads to something rather classic sounding: Miller Park, or vaguely inspiring: Progressive Field. Naming your stadium after a place where one buys Pooper Scoopers...that's just being a corporate tool. *16 Loathing Points*
  2. Rotation: As my colleague rightly pointed out the terrifying string of superb opposing pitchers continues with Jake Peavy and Greg Maddux in this series (with Chris Young, a soon to be Cy Young candidate coming back from surgery). The Twins rotation, by comparison is four kids who sure hope they get Dairy Queen after the game and an old codger who looks like he's just rolled out of a hammock in time for his start. Pitching wins championships, and so the Padres earn my loathing. *4 Loathing Points*
  3. The Friar: As there is separation between church and state, so should their be separation between church and baseball. The Padres' Friar is a direct challenge to this. Worse still, he has inspired the Padres "Rewards Club", the Frequent Friars. This abominable pun means that the mascot (and his team) must needs be excommunicated. *8 Loathing points*
Reasons we should daintily slap the Padres, to show our disdain but not our full force.
  1. Tony Gwynn: Two great outfielders in the 1990's: Kirby Puckett, and Tony Gwynn. Kirby's gone...Tony is still wicked cool. *-2 Loathing Points*
  2. The Rewards Club: I'm not about to say the pun again, but still...if you buy Padres tickets they will give you...stuff. Lots of Stuff. Not newsletters, but movie tickets, and money back on your baseball tickets and a backpack and...well...stuff. Carl Pohlad would prefer you buy the tickets and get the hell off his lawn you rotten kids ya. *-10 Loathing Points*
  3. Lindsey Reed: My very good friend Lindsey is from San Diego...Lindsey is a wonderful person, erego her team cannot be pure evil. *-5 Loathing Points*
  4. They stink: Like the Nationals before them, the Padres, kinda suck. They are next to last in almost every major offensive category in the National League.  They are last in the NL West, and as we clocked the best team in the NL West last weekend, kicking sand in the face of the weakest team there is a little like knocking an 8 year old down after you just beat up his father. *-10 Loathing Points*
Loathe-o-Meter Rating: 1
(Also Known As: Feeling obliged to stifle a yawn)

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