Know Thine Enemy #5: The Detroit Tigers

Reasons why the Twins should blitz the Tigers as quickly as I am blitzing out this post:

  1. The Yankees, Michigan Edition: About 5 years ago, the National Hockey League Players Association walked off the job, in a stirring display of union strength and greed. The unhappy result of this was that Mike Illitch, who had happily cackled over his millions as owner of the Detroit Red Wings suddenly remembered he owned a baseball team too.  Several millions of dollars later the Tigers out spend the rest of the AL Central as the greedy bastard representative of the division. *50 Loathing Points*
  2. U-G-L-Y: The tigers are big believers in the uglier the hair the better. Witness the Magglio Ordonez Mullet, and the Todd Johns Mutton Chop/Handle Bar/Rabid Dog combo. They don't got no alibi. *7 Loathing Points*
  3. Jim Bunning: The crazy Kentucky Senator got his start as a solid Tigers pitcher. Eventually being made a hall-of-famer is no excuse for saying things like: "My opponent is limp wristed." *20 Loathing Points*
Reasons why the Twins should do away with the Tigers quickly, as something like a mercy killing:

  1. Historically bad to surprisingly good: The Tigers are the same organization that came within two losses of passing the 1962 New York Mets as the worst team in all of baseball history. Their turn around in such a short span of time is remarkable (and completely expected given the tonnage of cash poured into the team). *-5 Loathing Points*
  2. Hank Greenberg: The first Hebrew Hammer came within two home runs of tying Babe Ruth's single season home run record, and got death threats for his religious beliefs. He was classy honorable and generally awesome (you can even watch a documentary featuring one of his old stalkers). *-20 Loathing Points*
  3. Ty Cobb: My vote for the greatest player of all time, the man who hit anything within a square mile of the plate, ran the bases like a gazelle, fielded like a god and was, even after Ruth, considered by many the greatest all round player of all time. (Of course, he was also an inveterate racist who beat up crippled fans, so he wasn't that great. *-1 Loathing Point*
Final Loathe-o-Meter Rating:  51 Loathing points
Also Known As: Driving behind someone on a cellphone

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