Now THAT'S more like it

One fine day in June, the Minnesota Twins were chilling in the dugout, contemplating strategies for beating the Washington Sucktasticals.

CARLOS GOMEZ: Guys...this sucks, man.
LIVAN HERNANDEZ: I know what you mean...it is like a stake, a stake into my heart.
DELMON YOUNG: But...how is it like a stake in your heart? You had a win last night.
CARLOS GOMEZ: Yeah barely. I mean...we came very close to not winning.... the last thing I want is Di--fat-ri young laughing in my face.
DELMON YOUNG: Hey b*** that's my brother! Besides that wasn't even a good joke.
JOE MAUER: (pats Gomez on the back) Hey man, it's OK....not everyone can make good fat jokes. Remember how hard it was to come up with fat jokes for Sidney Ponson?
ALL: (nodding in agreement) yeah....
JUSTIN MORNEAU: Fatthew Lecroy made it so easy, we forget what it is like to struggle.
(All nod, but don't really know what he's talking about because Lecroy is before their time)

CARLOS GOMEZ: OK let's get back to business... I mean let's face it... the Washington Nationals suck.
KEVIN SLOWEY: Maybe they only suck in Washington? Their sucktastickness may be non-transferrible.
CARLOS GOMEZ: What does that even mean?
JUSTIN MORNEAU: Guys, don't think so hard. But seriously though, I think it might be simpler than that. So simple, it's right in front of our faces.. (crosses eyes to see in front of face)
JOE MAUER: Hey guys...why don't we try to...hit the ball?
ALL: Huh?
JOE MAUER: Well... I mean... you know how in those 3 games we lost to Chicago, our runs in all 3 combined weren't even enough to win one game? I think maybe if we hit the ball more...maybe that wouldn't happen as much.
SLOWEY: Also, I'll try to throw the ball so the other team can't hit it.
LIVAN HERNANDEZ: Hey maybe I should try that.
JOE: so...are we ready?
And they all trotted out to the field, ready for victory.

1 comment:

  1. We truly do have frightening insight into the inner workings of the club house.

    I smell Pulitzer!

    (I also miss Tony Fat-ista)