A slightly confused view of the game against the Royals

So I've been working a lot lately, and I'm a little sleepy, a little groggy and I've been watching the game and the opening olympic ceremony in a picture in picture set up. So I'm not quite sure what's going on, I need some clarifications.

Did Denard Span really run around the bases creating a quasi-calligraphic painting of a mountain?

I am fairly certain that a Chinese 8th grader dressed like an astronaut struck out Carlos Gomez with a fastball low and outside (even she knew he couldn't help but swing out it).

Has anyone seen Randy Ruiz recently? I ask because Malta's uniforms look like our road ones...maybe he just got on the wrong team plane?

Did Bert Blyleven just remind us all that Central African Republic is a Republic in Central Africa? No wait it was Bob Costas...Bert just circled the Luxembourgian Olympic delegation.

One of the Royals' players is likely moonlighting as Guatemala's flag bearer. The half-hearted swinging of the flag, a la the Royals plate discipline, gives him away.

Depending on where this is all happening Nikolas Sarkozy either just called out "hey peanut" {"eh, cacahutes!"}... or "hey, moo goo gai pan!" {eh, moo goo gai pan!}

Thank merciful heavens: Dennys Reyes just struck out Botswana, after two pitches slipped past Joe Mauer and into Vietnam.

I'm not sure which is the most confusing pairing of action and music: North Korea and Bagpipes, Furry New Zealanders and Mariachi bands, or Bangladesh and Cotton Eyed Joe.

NO! There's a Royal on every base! Charles on Third, William on Second, Henry on First and Big Bad Elizabeth II at the plate...ahhh...but Jacques Rogges got him out. And Chinese president called Henry out and started the Olympic games.

So...We won...and the games started...and I'm now officially accepting the fact that China will soon be our overlords.