I DO NOT LIKE LOSING ANYMORE!!!
Mind you I'm sure I'm not alone. I'm sure our Garden Gnome/Manager doesn't like it. I'm sure our offense doesn't like it. I'm sure our pitchers don't like it. I'm sure that if we could win every time we wanted to we would be just like the Yankees--only not evil.
I think I wouldn't mind so much if we were losing by a lot of runs, because then I would understand that we are a grossly out matched team. It would be understandable if we were losing to teams with obscene payrolls and scads of all-stars: because then our role as plucky little underdogs would be heightened, and rare victories made sweeter. It would be nice if we didn't lose to a man with as absurd a name as "Outman" because--I mean, seriously? We come up with pitchers/superheroes like Dread Pirate Joe Nahtan, Kevin "Killthrow" Slowey and the Nefarious Dr. Cakeburn, and you just go with: Outman? Lamest. Super Hero. EVER! Losing I can stand--losing to cliches I cannot.
But this: this string of one-run losses, this streak of losses to mediocre teams, this...OUTMAN!!! I MEAN OUTMAN!!?!?!?!?
Listen, Twins, I love you, and I'm sure it will get better...my crankiness might not solve anything--but at the very least I've got it out of my system and am ready to approach the world with burgeoning optimism and serenity--maybe you should try it.