So... we got spanked last night.
I'm trying not to think about it too much. I mean, we can't win EVERY game. Swarzak can't be awesome EVERY time. Mauer can't ALWAYS hit eight gazillion home runs every game. And Lee pitched a great game. So inevitably, sometimes we will lose. Badly. Very badly.
It's also possible that Jhonny Peralta was still upset with me over this entry from last year, in which I depicted him being ripped apart by Tessa's puppy. In which case I would say - get over it dude.
OK not thinking about it.
Let's think about something happy - like pie.
Actually the only thing that made last night bearable was that throughout the depressing last three innings of the game, I was eating apple pie.... or maybe that was the problem. It's possible that the deliciousness of pie infused me with boundless optimism and raised my expectations to unattainable degrees of awesome - SORRY EVERYONE. My bad.
In a related story, Bakers Square has free pie on Wednesdays! You can order anything - anything at all - and get a free slice of pie! I usually get decaf coffee. I know what you're thinking - "Free pie - surely it's too good to be true!" Oh, it's real people. I could not make this stuff up.
So maybe the solution is that EVERYONE needs to eat pie. If all Twins fans across the globe (or at least the metropolitan area, and maybe Gardy too) were to gather at the Bakers Square on Ford Parkway and eat pie until we passed out from happiness, the Twins couldn't not win - at least on Wednesdays.