DELMON YOUNG: OHHHHHHHHHH!!! Ba-dabbadee doop--
MICHAEL CUDDYER: Ba-doobedy-bop!
JOE MAUER: Bop-bop-a-doo-wop
JUSTIN MORNEAU: Skeeb-a-dee-
JASON KUBEL: Babba-dee
JOE CREDE: Shabba-dee
ALL [In harmony]: DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OO.
Just then Carlos Gomez comes running into the clubhouse, panting and wheezing, looking about the room frantically.
CUDDYER: What is it boy?
CREDE: Yeah, what's wrong Gogo?
MORNEAU: Did Timmy fall in the well?
KUBEL: Is the barn on fire?
YOUNG: Is there trouble down at the old synagogue?
MAUER: What is it Gogo? Tell us boy.
GOGO: I hear that the Astros are starting...are starting...[Gasps in terror before continuing in a whisper] Their magic WANDY!
ALL: [Everyone pauses, looks at eachother and then in unison goes] HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHA!!!
GOGO: Why are you laughing, you noble men, you band of brothers? Why doesn't the threat of the Astros Magic Wandy scare you?
KUBEL: Because you're being silly Gogo.
CREDE: Yeah, magic isn't real
CUDDYER AND YOUNG: [after sharing a brief glance] Yeeeeahhh....magic isn't real...
MAUER: Besides, I'm batting over .400
MORNEAU: And I'm due
YOUNG: And I've finally remembered that hitting the ball is a good thing to do.
MAUER: Besides--it's Magic Wand, GoGo, Magic Wands would be scary, if they existed, which, they don't.
CUDDYER: And even if they did--
YOUNG: which they don't--
CUDDYER: He's an Astro. No sweat Gogo. We got this.
KUBEL: Does someone need some juice?
MORNEAU: I got it [Walks away, suddenly groaning as his legs become stiffer and sorer, so that when he returns he can only murmur] Energy failing, must rest...must...rest--
[The game begins and Mauer looks awful in his at bats]
KUBEL: Swing! Swing! BLEEEEEECCCCCHHHHH!!!!
CREDE: Hey! That's my sound effect!!! [Runs off crying]
YOUNG: [Walking to plate] Time to repeat my mantra: "See ball, hit ball, see ball, hit ball, see ball...see ball..."am I missing something? OH YEAH! "swing and miss ball!!!"
GOGO: DEL-DEL!!! Well...It's up to me now!! [Gomez strides to the plate to start a rally with his mad bunt skillz] MOJO GO-OW!!!! [Gomez bunts the ball into his face]
CUDDYER: Wow...I guess that really is a magic Wandy...
If you see a Magic Wandy matching this picture, please report it to local authorities. Prolonged exposure to this magic Wandy can result in soreness, sneezing, vomiting, crying, messed up mantras and bunting the ball into your own face.