Know Thine Enemy '09: The St. Louis Cardinals

Reasons we should suffocate the Cardinals like this sweltering heat wave sweeping through the midwest

1) There Can Be Only One: This year the talking heads have decided that the best player in baseball will be determined in one three game series. This three game series. In which our side-burned, sweet singing, glorious leader will be confronted with his greatest challenge ever: the unibrowed, omnihitting, God-fearing force that is Albert Pujols. For the Twins, for Mauer, for glory--Pujols and his team must be destroyed. *35 Loathing points*

2) '87 Redux: As Stinky and I know, the Cardinals were our mortal enemy in October of 1987, which was the first of the Twins championship seasons. And though we won that series, we fared poorly in St. Louis. Now is the time to prove that we can win in St. Louis--with a group of players who were between 3 and 8 years old when we first lost...*12 Loathing Points*

3) Joe Buck: The most onerous announcer in all sports got his start as the Cardinals announcer. Enough said. *82 Loathing Points*

4) Fame and Infamy: A little more than 10 years ago, the nation's eyes were riveted on St. Louis to see if Mark McGwire could out homer Roger Maris. A little more than 10 years later, thinking about the steroids and the scandal and the grossness involved in that episode makes us all recoil. On behalf of all those teams who did not juice. Revenge shall be ours. *21 Loathing Points*

Reasons we should just give the Cardinals a sunblock with a low SPF and watch them burn:

1) Jack Buck: The announcer responsible for: "and we'll see you here...tomorrow night!" perhaps the greatest announcement in Twins History was also the Cardinals announcer (and father of Joe Buck--but we'll forgive him for that. *-83 Loathing Points*

2) Frankie Frisch and Pepper Martin: Honorary members of the Old Peanuts From Heaven Gang--and besdies Pepper Martin used to put sneezing powder in hotel ventilation systems--what a scamp! *-28 Loathing Points*

3) Albert Pujols: Say what you will about the unibrow--the man is awfully talented and cleaner than the board of health. He's not Joe Mauer--but he is the St. Louis equivalent. *-17 Loathing Points*

4) Michael Jackson Died: So, maybe we should just sing, dance, and just not stop, not stop till you get enough. *-3 Loathing Points

Final Loathe-O-Meter Rating: 19 Loathing Points

Punishment: Sketchy leers from sketchy men with sketchy mustaches.