9.12.2008

Know Thine Enemy #16: The Baltimore Orioles

Reasons we should break the Baltimore Orioles like a misbehaving bat over the knee of Carlos Gomez:

1. Camden Yards: Don't get me wrong, it's charming and quaint and all. But it's the first "retropark" and its the one that turned every owner into a "I'm-gonna-hold-my-breath-'til-you-gimme-what-I-want!" guy. For shame Baltimore, for shame. *15 Loathing Points*

2. Postseason Fever!: It's not really the Orioles fault that we are in the playoff hunt. Merely unfortunate. If we were not playing relevant games, there really would not be many reasons to destroy them. But we are. We need to win. If we win all is well. So, please, Orioles, do not take this personally, we would do it to anyone to get to the playoffs. *66 Loathing Points*

Reasons we should break the Baltimore Orioles like the bullpen breaks our hearts, subtly, slowly and barely perceptibly:

1. Old School: I've got to say, though they get little respect, the Orioles have a claim to suffering rivaled by few other franchises. They had the first dynasty ever (way back in 1895-1899), then had their team go bankrupt and close. They stole the St. Louis Browns (whose previous legacy was hiring a dwarf to draw a walk) and kept their lack of talent. They got the eminently talented Frank Robinson and Cal Ripken Junior and got them little to no respect. And they had a great team in the mid-90s who were robbed of a shot at a World Series by fan interference (by who else but the Yankees). It must suck to be an Orioles fan...so they should lose by an average amount. *-35 Loathing Points*

2. Creative Fans: I've got to give Orioles fans credit. They are organized in their fight against crappiness. They tried to go on a strike a few years ago to protest labor unrest. Last year they turned their back on the field and ignored the team, waiting for a better one to take it's place. Kudos to you. *-28 Loathing points*

3. The Bird: The Orioles' Logo is such irrepressible 60's kitsch that I figure that's worth a few points. Ugly? Yes. But charmingly so. (Not unlike myself) *-5 Loathing points*

Loathe-O-Meter Rating: 12 Loathing Points

Also Known As: Canker Sores

1 comment:

  1. What's this?? A new font?? My eyes cannot handle it!!!

    ReplyDelete